My PIL's live on the same property. They are nice enough but we don't have an awful lot to do with them as they are really anti-social. Or rather they prefer their own company.

When I started back at work full time they were fully supportive of me going back to work and offered to look after the kids before and after school.

But now it seems like it is THE biggest disposition in the world and I am a bit sick of it to be honest. The kids are plonked down in front of the telly when they are there while PIL's sit at the table and read the paper etc like they have been kicked out of the lounge. The kids LOVE their grandparents but it seems like the grandies have given up on them sort of and suffer their company? I dunno, it is weird.

Anyway, I don't want the kids somewhere they obviously are not wanted. It is hard to find elsewhere for them to go though as they attend a country school, so there is no after school program they can attend. Not that they need much looking after anyway, max of 2 hours a day twice a week.

I am seriously thinking about having them at our place while PIL's look out for them, but at the ages of 10,8 and 7 I am not 100% comforable with this. Although they have hung out at home before while I have been at PIL's for a while so maybe not?

Argh, hate having to deal with PIL's - can they not see that they are pushing the grandchildren away and won't have the pleasure of their company when they are older??? I guess it doesn't help when my parents are so awesome with the kids.

So, what to do? Any ideas?

Perhaps they would be more comfortable looking after the kids at your place. I think your kids are a bit young to be at home without someone in the house with them.

Yeah, my house isn't pristine enough for MIL's liking so she doean't like come to ours.

My mum is the same MC, when she has the kids (which is pretty much never) she plonks them down in front of the tele and does her own thing.

Riley is currently banned from staying the night at her nanas house because she told her nana last time she stayed that she was bored. So my mum is refusing to have her stay to "teach her a lesson".

I asked Riley why she said she was bored, and the poor kid said her nana did nothing with her, but left her to entertain herself while she sat on the couch and watched cooking programmes all day and night

But I digress.

I would see if your MIL wants to have the kids up at your place - that way the kids would be a bit more comfortable in their own environment and could have entertainment besides tele if they want to

I guess that is the thing - the kids *love* to hang out and do whatever the PIL's are currently doing, be it gardening, looking after the livestock, picking flowers etc. But the PIL's tell us that the kids are so bored there .

Poor Riley, bet she has no idea what is going on .

PIL's...sigh...mine dont help at all really with childcare and neither do my own parents, but in my opinion its not thier job to do so - they have had thier time raising children....if they are available and are willing then that is a bonus but i would not base my working arrangements around expecting them to look after them - i guess even if they have said they will.... them helping with childcare is separate and should not be counted as or deemed time to "enjoy" the kids and treated as conditional to them having access or contact with their Grandchildren. ONt he other hand there are GP's that just dote on the GC's and want to be there all the time - that is fantastic if you have that...i just dont expect it

If you are struggling with them helping out or the quality/enthusiasm of the time - maybe consider childcare or aftershcool care even on a part time basis that suits both you and the PIL's

I'm presuming they look after the kids, for the love of it, ie not for money. Could you say something to them along the lines of "we not wanting to inconvenience you, so we are looking to pay a high school student or similar".
Maybe, the grandparents think there is an expectation they will look after the kids.
Not that I'm sticking up for the PIL, but maybe giving them some options.

Or would be better coming from your DH, depending on how your relationship is, with them.

Oh yes, it is DH's job to do all the talking. I am so not going there!

I have suggested to DH that he ask his mum if she would rather have the kids at ours, and also that they love just hanging out with them doing whatever they are doing. So hopefully ...

Could you (or DH) tell them that the kids really enjoy doing things with them (eg gardening, odd jobs, looking after livestock) playing games - or could they help them do their homework? Maybe they just haven't thought about it and with a small prompt may interact more...

I think the hard thing is, is that we all have different expectations and if we don't communicate them we may let our worries fester.

Mum & Dad still have a great deal to do with the kids, and it's fair to say now that DS is 14, that they probably feel a bit left out not being relied on to look after them as much, especially Mum.
K still says she gets bored at Grandma & Grandads as all they do is watch TV, unless Mum wants to do some baking.
K would prefer Mum to come over to ours, even though their house is less than 20m away

Other than DH having a word with them, I have no solutions Viv. I'm finding as my parents get older they are a law unto them self and no matter what you say it goes in one ear and out the next.
They are definitely getting (difficult) more set in their ways.

If they wont have the kids at your house, could you make sure the kids have something to play with?? (assuming they don't keep toys at your ILs house) Or maybe buy your ILs a couple of cool board games that they might enjoy with the kids? craft kit or similar??

I'll go against the grain and say for the short time that it's happening does it really matter if they are only watching tv?

Of course it would be really nice if they were doing activities but if the girls are happy to watch tv, I'd let them.

Oh, I'd love it if Poppa would sit with the kids when they did their reading while Nana fed them up on baking and fruit ... but no, they aren't those sorts of people.

I guess it is the offering of having the kids and then moaning about it that gets on my wick. Plus the lack of relationship effort (or maybe skills?) on behalf of the grandies. It is almost like they are afraid of getting it wrong so they do nothing and sort of push them away??

I dunno.

I kind of tend to agree. we usually have atleast one day where the boys come home from school shagged and they just drop infront of the tv and go all googly eyed for a while.

maybe give the kids something to take with them/board game, paper and pens, cards etc that way they could start something the grandies might end up joining in

why dont they just let them run around outside and still sit and read their paper? lol.
my PIL's dont at all - but then they dont live in the same city anyway, my dad's had them ummmm three times in the last 6yrs (actually that was all this year tho lol) and they did do some fun stuff -out for train rides and over to see the cousins etc etc- but then that's 3babysits in 6yrs not an everyweek thing.
my mum has started having them for sleepovers this year (omg its heaven i've never ever had this nights off thing or 1child at home thing b4 -looooove it) and they loooove going to grandmas she does heaps with them - she babysat at my house for a few hours tonight as i had a meeting...just as i was leaving they were heading off to the beach (at 7pm mind you lol) , then they came home and played rugby passes in the hallway then played a maths quiz game (and late to bed lol - but ohwell) lol wish my mum was that fun when i was a kid - ohwell atleast somebody is getting that side of her

I wish my PIL would have my kids - tv or no tv. It would be much easier than finding child care and baby sitters

The PIL sound like they are probably tired at the end of a long day ... happens to the best of us They are possibly happy to have them as long as they are allowed to relax whilst doing so!

Oh the joys of having family doing childcare - and if they decide its not for them, its really hard to get out of without causing a family feud!



and this... Bit difficult if no other options though! Bit young to be 'home alone' (and illegal ?)

I suppose if it was me, is there an expectation to 'look after them (maybe feed, keep safe, keep eye on)' or 'entertain them'(take them places, make sure never bored, always doing something), to me they're a bit different IYKWIM?

I dont think MC was having an anti tv bash, it was more that her Il's offered to have the kids and help but then aren't helping much ITMS. That's how I read it anyway maybe not?

I would suggest some things for the kids to do on their own. The Il's loss really.

Yep, Melvin you got it in one.

The thing about the kids being 'home' is that they won't reaaaally be home alone, PIL's are quite close. But probably best if they kept an actual eye on them though for another couple of years.

And yes, if there were any way at all that I could have the kids in after school care I would do so in the blink of an eye! It is just not available. Unless I ask PIL's to drop the kids off at after school care .