So Kiri is 3 and very aware of her bodily functions. For the last few months we have been asking if she wants to go on the potty/toilet and have gotten a NO.

So the last week or two she has been in undies exclusively but she won't go wees on the toilet we have had 2 in all that time. She holds on like a trouper (Iwish I had her pelvic muscles!) She prefers to go in her undies but only small leaks at a time whch is really frustrating. We have tried sticker charts, stickers, lollipop treats, presents, praise, cuddles etc but I can't find her "currency"

She watches others but doesn't want to follow them.

Her carer put her back in nappies today as she is doing wees in her undies at kindy too and its not what the teachers are there for.

I at a dead end of what to try next..... I know she'll go when she wants to but I think she wants to be in nappies forever!

Have you seen 3boys mum thing that talks about the different things that need to be in place for it to be successful? It is awesome if you haven't seen it.

IMO, if you can't find her currency, then she isn't ready to be bought. 3 is not that old, we are only made to feel it is old.

http://www2.everybody.co.nz/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/1718214/about_to_give_up_TT towards the bottom of the first page I think? I agree. DS3 was by far the hardest to tt - boy I had to have faith with him! But I tried every currency I could think of but it wasn't until he was ready (at 4y3months) that he finally did it. But I think your daughter won't take that long - she sounds like she maybe nearly there and sometimes backing off and leaving it for a while helps them with that final hurdle (no pressure etc).

Thanks I'll have a read. Sometimes it is that external pressure - oh she's still in nappies?

hugs, I empathise and I don't know the answer, cause I struggled with my DD too.

I agree with all that's been said. We honestly thought that DS1 would never toilet train but FINALLY at 4 1/2 he will wee on the toilet. He will only go once at a set time every day (excellent pelvic floor muscles LOL) and he has done this every single day since the first day he did wees on the toilet. We have had no accidents other than poos in undies. I too experienced pressure from well meaning family members but as my son is very stubborn I knew that nothing would work (and believe me I had tried everything I could think of) and I just had to ignore other people's opinions and not get too anxious about it. And it took a loooong time to find his currency. In the end it was an iPod and whenever he does wees he gets to play with the iPod for 15 mins. After he first did wees we also bribed him with choc santas but when they ran out he didn't ask for anymore and is still happy with just the iPod.

DS1 does receive help from an occupational therapist through the hospital and she has been a great help. She made up a couple of picture books and a DVD with a bit of a storyline, basically this is why we need to do wees and this is where we do it etc and he was quite happy to flick through the books and watch the DVD over and over and over LOL. It was her that suggested we try him back in undies again about a month ago even though he hadn't yet sat on the toilet and he hung on until about 4pm, was absolutely bursting, we plonked him on the toilet and read a book to him, he did his first wee without even realising it, I was soooo proud of him. And from that day on he has gone without incident. We're now about to tackle no. 2's and the occupational therapist brought over her camera and took a pic of the toilet and DS1 standing beside it (he wasn't willing to sit on it for her which is fine) which she will make up into a story book.

3 is still within the realms of normal to be in nappies so I wouldn't worry just yet. Keep encouraging her to sit on the potty or toilet. You'll probably find that one day she will just click and she may well toilet train relatively easy.

Hugs, I know how hard it is when it seems like every single kid your child's age is toilet trained and you are wondering why yours isn't. But she will get there in her own time

I'd wait a bit. We tried DS a few times from 2.5 onwards but he didn't like wearing underpants and refused to use the toilet so we went back to nappies for a few weeks then tried again. When he was 3.1 we had another go and he was TT both day and night in a week.

With DD (1st child) I entered a battle of wills with her over it that lasted 2 years. The last thing you want is for it to become about control, because you can't win!

Don't worry about her being 3 and still in nappies, it's still little and she'll get there.

I can sympathise when I look back now if I had just not listened to the MIL and nana about how children in there day were dry night and day by 2 I think i would of hit TT with DS#1 with a more casual approach we never did find his currency but then one day at 4yrs 10mths he never wore nappies again he was ready then and wouldn't do it for love nor money. I think we had tried 52 different bribes, incentives etc. I read about 10 different books and spoke to numerous nurses, doctors and none of what they suggested helped except the one thing they all concluded there consults with and that was that he'll do it when he's ready ha and he did (eventually) with DS#2 its been easy cause he's initiated his progress and well he's nearly there. She will get there it'll be in her time though wether that be now or a month from now or a year but she will get there.

3boys how did I miss that thread in 09. I really could of used that info about then as I was literally Excellent read that is

Oh interesting chook and LCM. While DS started using the loo at 4y3m, he still wore a nappy most of the time up until Christmas (which meant he didn't use the toilet ALL the time just most of the time and always for poo thank goodness!). At Xmas he decided to wear undies all the time and I was all like wahoo that's the end of nappies but unfortunately he wore undies on his first day back at daycare last week and had an accident then refused to wear them again (cried at bedtime about it, poor boy).

I suppose I could be all hard arse about it but it just doesn't seem worth the battle - he would be miserable and upset and he'd grow to hate going to daycare. He knows he must wear undies to school and that is the deadline (all nappies will leave the house at that time including night nappies) but hopefully he will just decide to use the toilet at daycare in the meantime. He is a kid with a lot of foibles and he is very particular and peculiar about things including privacy

The book that toilet learning is quoted from is a really great resource!

Another thing that helped DS was going back to the potty... he found the loo a bit "big" and intimidating. Seratone, if you decide to leave it for a while it might help to just offer the potty when you restart. We had a flushing toilet book too.

DS was three when he 'got' about going toilet but he was initially very reluctant to go toilet but responded to bribery so we were able to capitalise on that.

I'd say that she isn't ready. If incentives aren't working and she just isn't interested she just isn't ready and its more stress than its probably worth.

Lots of our parents generation did toilet training vs toilet learning. The kids learned out of habit because they were sat on the toilet until something happened. You could go that way but its a battle if you have a child who doesn't want to sit down.

I'd leave it a few months and then ask her if she wants to wear knickers and use the toilet. If she wants to she might be ready.

We have a little seat that attaches to the big seat on the toilet, that is part of the whole system. Really easy to work and saves faffing about with separate seats.

She sounds very similar to my DD2 Seratone.

Mum had her overnight last Friday and somehow she got her to do her first wees on the potty. She was so excited and rang to tell me etc, got a couple of treats (jellybeans) and even followed up with one more wee in the potty for daddy later that day.

So on Saturday I put her in knickers and took her to the potty every half hour etc, we got a jar of jellybeans ready and made a bit of a fuss over her. She held on for 4 hours and then wee'd in the toybox. Another 4 hours later she hopped off the (empty) potty, went into the bathroom to wash her hands, stood on my pile of clean clothes to put on (which was sitting on her little stool) and wee'd on that. Popped her in the bath and she wee'd in there too. DH then put her in knickers for the hour before bed and she stood on top of one of my plastic storage bin things and wee'd on that

By the end of the day I was tearing my hair out and really struggling not to get cross with her, so she was back in nappies the very next day. Occasionally I ask her if she wants to try the potty and on the odd time that she says yes, she just sits on it but doesn't do anything.

I simply do not have the time/energy/patience to force the issue with her, it will all click eventually so I am taking a All very well for my (wellmeaning) mum to start her off when she is there for a day, but its a lot harder for me with the extra kids and whatnot.

Off to read the linked thread above

My line is. If its too hard it's too early. (generally).

X drove us completely batty with her TTing but we* mostly* kept the frustration on the inside. By 2.5yrs, X had complete control of her bodily functions as she could run around nude for hours, never have an accident and ask for a nappy when she needed one. Then some days she'd use the loo and others she wouldn't. She even spent a week with every wee on the loo but then went back to wanting nappies again. If we forced the loo, she'd get stubborn and I'd get annoyed knowing that she could do it if SHE wanted.

She'd also been dry at naps since 2.5years and dry for nights 75% of the time (as in she'd wear a nappy to bed, but once we left the room she'd take her pj's off and sleep nude, without a nappy).

What eventually worked was telling her she couldn't start kindy until she used the loo as the teachers don't change bums. She TTed herself that day for wees with NO input from me. Was so easy as she WAY past being able to use the loo.
For poos, we told her she can have a dvd when she feels ready to poo on the loo. She'd ask for a nappy, we'd ask if she wanted the loo and remind her of the dvd. Always a no, so nappy on. Never worried us. Then we were out one day without nappies and she needed to poo....she used the loo in desperation (then yelled down the supermarket aisle "MUMMY, I DID POOS ON THE LOO! I WANT MY DVD NOW!" ) and that was that. Only 1 poo in a nappy when she didn't take her nappy off in the morning and I was feeding H so couldn't get her to the loo.

I tell you, waiting until she was ready (basically TTed around her 3rd bday) was heaps easier as I barely had to do anything to 'train' her. Though I do understand the outside pressure....maybe you need to find a line which you can repeat back to people who make a big deal of it.

I have just started feeling pressure to TT DS. DH was apparently TTed at 13 months and I was by 18. BUT we both had SAHMs and that was the done thing for our generation - kids spent hours sitting on the potty until they eventually went. And my SIL had one child pretty much completely trained by 2 and is TTing DS's cousin who is 10 weeks younger than DS now. And several of his daycare friends the same age are already in undies.

DH thinks we should be TTing DS, so I've given in to him a little. We have a seat with steps and we ask DS if he wants to sit on the toilet. He gets a pebble if he does, 2 pebbles if he does it without pants on. But I think he's far from being ready. He went through a stage about 4 months ago of telling us when he was about to go poos, but then stopped. He doesn't even tell us when he has done poos now (unless it's a burny one and his bum hurts).

It's hard, but I'm really trying to not stress about it. When he's ready I hope he'll let me know.

My kids seem to be quite different.

DS did NOT want to use the toilet until one time I told him he could have a jellybean for doing wees on the toilet and he did. He was three. He didn't like to be told what to do so it was a mission to get him going when we needed him to go as well, like before a trip in the car. But with bribery it was okay . Poos were more of an issue and we had some major constipation issues etc because he would hold which was hard going.

DD1 insisted one day that she would wear knickers (at that stage we'd put her on the loo before bath but that was it) so I said she could if she did wees on the toilet. So she did. A week later she refused night nappies. It was freakily easy.

DD2, who is 2 in a couple of weeks, likes the idea of sitting on the toilet so sometimes DH will do it but she has yet to do anything. She is aware of pooing sometimes and needing nappy changes but its more a comfort thing than a recognising that she has just done wees thing I think. I am really not worried about it because I know that if I leave it, she'll come to it herself or I can tweak her into it later when she's a bit older and can understand rewards better

I think lots of children can toilet 'train' with a lot of input if you can be bothered, some won't at all and all take their own time. When you think of it, if bladder control or whatever is along a continuum just like crawling, walking and all of that, then it makes sense that there is a huge difference. And more so because there are cognitive and emotional components involved.

I tend to agree with this, unless there is some underlying medical issue etc DD1 & DD2 were early to train (did it themselves) so I have never got to the 'eek "should" they be in knickers' stage but in my peer group all the kids have been SOOOOOOO different with the age they have moved to knickers. Try not to stress, she is only just 3 and it is totally normal You wait, one day she will just click and there will be no looking back

Going thru the exact same thing with my DD whos is three. Haven't got time right now but will come back later. Feeling LOTS of pressure from family and firends

One thing I'll add too is it helps if they have a very strong understanding of where the wees comes from. So if you can let them run around outside with their pants off and they pee on the lawn, that's great!
My son is a little young to TT (He's not quite two yet) but summer is a great time for pants free. He peed on the ground today while I was pottering outside, and the look on his face was like "Oh wow, where did that come from?!"

No point in asking them to wee in a potty, if they don't understand how, or what on earth you are asking them to do. And even when they understand, it can be a bit weird piddling in a pot, when you've spent most of your life piddling in your pants. So a bit of understanding goes a long way