One of the teachers today came up and said Xanthe isn't listening and will often just say 'no' and then run off. And they spent heaps of their time trying to keep her hat on.
She also said they'll say stop and she'll ignore them and sometimes it's a health and safety thing.

I feel stink that she's being naughty. At home *most* of the time if she doesn't listen she ends up in the hallway until she is ready to do what she's been asked. But I guess it's the times I DON'T follow thru that causes the most issues. I'm going to have a talk to her about it (she's already been told (by me) that if she is not going to listen to the teachers she won't be able to go back to kindy) and start making sure I follow thru EVERY time she's asked to do something.

I know I shouldn't but it always upsets me when people comment negatively about Xanthe (even though I sometimes think the same stuff but when it's not me or DH, I take it to heart).

She's only been at kindy since 17th Jan so early days. And apart from the day H was born, she's never had a day away from me and we don't do 'things' (such as mainly music, playgroup etc) so she's not used to groups of people etc.

Is this normal kindy teething stuff? She was put into time-out today.

Im not the parent of a three year old but if i had to gander Id say she's doing what she would at home and checking her boundaries for weak spots and seeing what she can get away with... Sounds normal, but you (and they)will need to stand firm on the things that arent negotiable, like the health and safety risks and hats etc..

I agree, follow through and keep to your word.. If you say time out, then time out. If you say no kindy for a day, then no kindy for a day

Im having issues now izzy has come back from being with his mother for two weeks.IM pretty sure she let him do all sorts like buying him toys at every car stop, leaving his big light on at night time, getting out of bed at night, tolerating his screaming etc.. This morning I had a tantrum in the car because i didn buy him a toy car when we stopped for gas so I told him if he didnt stop I would put him in timeout when we got home and he would have to wait for chippies. He didnt stop, so time out for him!

The first night home? He kept getting out of bed to turn on his big light so I said: If i come in and the light is on again, I will take away the light. I went in, light was on so I removed the light bulb, he was VERY upset but.. He was asleep within five minutes

Awwww it's always stink when someone has something critical to say about your child. Even when they're adults it'll be just as yuck I expect.

It took my DS a while to settle into preschool. He wasn't used to having to sit still on the mat and stop in the middle of an activity if it was time for them to move on to something else. I think she's probably settling in and testing what she can get away with.

I'd have a talk to her about why she has to wear a hat and what will happen if she doesn't (I assume there's a no hat no outside play policy?) and about listening to her teachers.

Let her know that mum finds out everything that happens at kindy and that you'll be checking at the end of every session. I've done a couple of fake phone calls to teachers before pretending to do a behaviour check.

its awful if you realise they are doing something that they're not meant to do.

I'd say its definitely part of the settling in thing as well and agree its probably the best thing will help is if you are really consistent with the 'rules' at home and make sure they are the same as kindys... so with the hat, she has to wear a hat outside home too or else she has to go inside and just take her back inside until she is ready for the hat. Ditto with compliance, revisit whatever you usually do when you ask her to do something and make sure you are very firm.

I'd talk with the teachers and get specific details about things she's consistently not doing - is it going toilet, sitting on the mat etc etc and finding out how they deal with non compliance and working out a plan with them as to how its dealt with. If its something like sitting on the mat at morning tea time for example, maybe you could reinforce that at home by making sure she is sitting down to eat if she's normally the type of kid who likes to wander and things like that.

Hopefully with you and kindy giving her consistent messages and her seeing the other children who are doing what they are told, she'll settle down. When you think about it being in a large group of her peers is not particularly normal (even mainly music or playgroups have a variety of ages within them) and it can take them a while to work out the rules and follow the crowd I reckon. Some kids are naturally more likely to do that than others but on the plus, if she does do things to the beat of her own drum (and my DD1 is like that too )that can be a plus as well.

I think it's fairly normal and its still early days, she will still be learning the ropes. It took K a while to behave at mat time and stay seated. A teacher would sit beside her and keep her seated that way.

Most kindys will have a no sunhat no outdoor play so therefore the teachers simply need to tell her that if she isn't going to wear her hat then she has to stay inside. I'm guessing they will have an inside teacher and an outside teacher.

yup sounds totally utterly normal im a qualified ECE teacher and for her that behaviour isnt necessarily naughtyness, its all about testing the boundaries, getting to know the teachers and what they will let her get away with, maybe a bit unsure in a new environment etc..and dont feel bad about it, the vast majority of kids will test the boundaries around new adults they arent used to and the whole mat-time thing etc will be new to her- but kindy/preschool is there for exactly this reason- so your little one will learn about these things so she is ready when it comes to starting school. and honestly, its great the teachers are being honest with you and letting you know, even if its not too nice to hear, then when the day comes that they say she had a fab day- youll know they are being honest then too

for the sunhats, that is a NZ regulation that preschool children have adequate sun protection so yeah, most do the "no hat, no outside play" thing.

so try to focus on the positives- if you are into the star chart thing or similar- how about talk to the teachers so they can be onside and make a really positive thing out of it- if she wears her hat outside all day then she gets a star- by the end of the week if she has enough stars (maybe start small- 3 stars or something) she gets to choose whats for dinner/gets an extra bedtime story or something like that.. and focus on one thing at a time (eg sunhats) and you might just find that positively reinforcing the one thing- by the time that is sorted the rest has fallen into place

oh and im sure she does something awesome each day- and i hope the teachers are focussing on these things too so she learns to love kindy- did she do an awesome painting? or share nicely with a friend or wash her hands well before morning tea etc? really praise for the little things you hear about, and make sure kindy does the same, so she WANTS to do the right thing and get the attention that way

im sure in a few weeks shell be just fine

We are really bad and don't wear hats at home....never have. I sunscreen my girls and try avoid the heat of the day.

Mat time was easily fixed, I walked in one afternoon and she was screaming. The teacher was on her knees, arms open to try encourage her to have a cuddle and sit with her - X isn't affectionate, even with DH and I. I talked to her about it on the way home, at home and then on the way back to kindy the next day. They were running late so mat time never happened but they said to her "we'll tidy up and then sit on the mat, and if you can sit nicely you can have a sticker". She ended up with a sticker anyway as she tidied up really well and not her fault that they run out of time for mat time.
However, the next day, I walked in and she was sitting beautifully on the mat and as far as I know, has been every day since then.

I talked to X about the hat thing and we have agreed that she wants a string to help it stay on her head so I will bring the hat home and try do something on the weekend. I completely agree and support the use of hats while outside.

I know some of her behaviour isn't helped by the fact that kindy is exactly when she would normally be sleeping for 2 hours. X told me today that she was told to sit on the steps (numerous time I gather) but sometimes she just flopped on the grass in the shade....this is standard for her if she is tired.

I have asked how she is settling in and they've said she's doing fine but that she is a busy girl and nearly always on the go. It gets to me sometimes as many people see it as bad behaviour (and I guess bad parenting) but I'm trying to remember that if someone hasn't had a full-on child like X is that they just don't understand and that she's not "naughty".

I might talk to the kindy teachers in the morning and just see what they plan to do to help tackle the issues and also how she is going in other areas as well.

Thanks for your posts everyone....it has helped me some what.

Both my two are described as busy girls and always on the go, but I don't take that to mean they are naughty, just that they are enjoying themselves.

lol my #1 was FULL on at that age too (though he mostly did what he was told for other people - he got banned from being taken to kindy gym at creche at one stage tho (omg sooo embarrassing) - and my #2 escaped kindy on the very first day lol (and they thought he was so sweet and innocent when they rang up and enrolled him early hahaha)- so embarrassing on his 2nd day arriving to pick him up to find him with a brush and a shovel next to a huge pot plant (he'd obviously de-potted during the kindy session over the carpet and was being made to clean up). Once he settled in he became one of their little cruisers (he and two little mates) just cruised around doing their own thing and imaginative play and were 'perfect' behaviour wise - we used to get all these 'wow these 3 are such awesome little kids' comments - which was SOOOO nice for a change.

it does sound like a bit of a settling in thing. Id drill some basic rules into her for kindy though -you HAVE to listen, you HAVE to do what the teachers tell you etc - they do NEED to be able to do what they're told somewhere like that busy/full on or not and if you leave it too long you kind of miss the boat (i.e they think its ok to do it - start as you mean to carry on and all of that).
If you have a day where she has bn a bit naughty at kindy keep her home the next day and tell her WHY - its not a big deal prob a good thing can have a nap etc etc (just dont let her know that its good to have a break occasionally haha). the other thing that is great is bribeing - i.e 'if i hear that you used nice listening at kindy afterwards we'll go and get a popsicle' - and draw a popsicle on her hand to look at to remind her.

My DS is always disruptive and uncooperative when he is bored... perhaps talk to them about making sure she has an activity to do to extend her. We started getting comments like this when he was little so I had a chat to the centre manager (preschool not kindy so might be a different sort of environment) about the fact he could be bored as thats the sort of thing he does at home if he's not got enough to do. They took it on board and it worked wonders!

I wouldn't take 'busy and always on the go' as a negative, its just how she is!

Sounds like settling in time to me too, particularly since she isn't used to listening to people other than you and your DH. I think just keep talking to the teachers, and ask if there is anything in particular that you can do to support her settling, or them settling her, they may not expect anything of you at all, but are just letting you know how she is going iykwim?

Is she enjoying it?

Thanks everyone.

We have talked about the rules and she can recite them back so she *knows* what she's meant to do, but I guess at 3yrs she is still learning things like impulse control. She learnt on day 1 that if she wants to eat she needs to sit at the kai table, and as far as I know there has been no issues with that at all (bar the first day when she eat from another boys lunch box OOPS! lol).

She just told me that she's not going to end up in time-out at kindy today but who knows lol



It's more my family who think she is naughty and a good smack will sort her out Like if she gets over excited, she goes all nuts and doesn't always listen. I find it odd that my nana (her great-nana) is a whole heap more tolerant of it then my dad).



I this, thanks! We've always said she's a free spirit (which I do struggle with a bit as I hate feeling like I'm being judged but wouldn't want to change her as I'm sure she'll do great things with her enthusiasm).

I'm feeling a whole heap better about it today so will have a chat to the kindy teachers this afternoon and see what they think.

DD2 is a very busy little girl. People do comment because she is, she's just busy and chatty and loves to race around. Its not a negative thing but naturally, if you have a child who is doings lots of stuff they are likely to do things that they aren't meant to.

Harnessing the energy towards the positive stuff is better than trying to stop a child from being who they are. You can help them to learn how to do what is expected but you don't have to quell all of their energy and creativity.

I mean, i would have preferred it if DD2 hadn't taken advantage of me leaving the chair in the pantry and climbed up and opened a bottle of bright pink food colouring all over the place but its better than DS who would lie on the couch and moan that he was hungry and bored until someone did something about it And never even thought about climbing things when he was 2.

I missed this one. She LOVES kindy

My kids are both really full on in their own ways. DS is super super confident and he used to wander off if I looked away for a second. At school pick up he'd be gone - under the classrooms, up the stair railings, over the other side of the field etc. He sings and performs for anyone and talks A LOT. His preschool teachers asked me to get his ears checked because he was so loud. I did to humour them but I knew it was just him being excited. People always comment about how busy and on the go he is too!