Hello All,

I joined this forum on behalf of my Partner (Christina) and I (Nick). I don't really know where to begin, usually my forum posting is talking about good things, but here goes..

2010/2011 were two pretty rough years for us, for various reasons but mainly with the saddening event of my father-in-law losing his battle with Cancer. But 2012 looked to be a huge turn around, right from the get go, with the amazing discovery that we were pregnant even though "we had a 5% chance of conceiving". We were so excited that we went straight to the Family Medical Centre on Sunday to confirm our findings, and then rang around first thing Monday to get an ultrasound as quickly as possible. We got in that afternoon to find the GA of baby was 9w3d. This was to complete our family in addition to our 3yo daughter. We were so happy that we told our close friends and family straight away, contrary to our first pregnancy when we waited for the 12 week scan results.

We organised to see our GP and Christina had some tests and we heard our results from the U/S. Everything was fine except for a Subchorionic Hemorrhage of medium size. We were told not to worry. We then organised to see a midwife, which would be two weeks down the track, (Tuesday just been). After our consultation, the midwife said we could use the doppler machine to listen for baby's heart beat. We couldn't but were also told not to worry as that happens 3 out of 10 times at 11weeks.

Well, Thursday things started to go bad, and by 9am Friday were we in the Emergency Rooms at the hospital. We had the full prognosis at 4pm, our Angel wasn't to be seen.

The last few days have been very hard. Christina is blaming herself, while I'm trying to re-assure her she can't, and recover from another blow to the family.

Today, we watched the Smurfs movie for our daughter, and never expected to find a pregnant 'human' couple with what seemed to be a huge amount of reference to it. Father speaking to baby in utero, ultrasound picture, and birth photos at the end! It certainly hit home.

Sorry for the rant. We/I are looking for a channel to express ourselves, and this forum seems to be a great place to do it with fantastic people.

To everyone who is suffering, has suffered from miscarriage, and all the angels, our hearts are with you.

Christina and Nick - I am so sorry you lost your precious and much wanted baby, especially after all the excitement of finding out against the odds that you were expecting.

Don't apologise for "your rant" - this is exactly the place to do it.

I wish that I could help you let Christina know that this was not her fault in any way. I can let you know that feelings of guilt and wondering "what if" are very common. I still sometimes wonder.

I am glad that the two of you are supporting each through this, it really will make such a difference. And of course, the members of this board are here for support too.

Big hugs

Nick / Christina so sorry for the loss of your precious angel
Welcome, is it a club that none of us ever wanted to join but there are some amazing people here that really help through the bad times
A note to Christina - please don't blame yourself. I know I spent many nights wondering if I did something differently would the outcome be different and only after time, grief and healing I now know there was nothing I could have done unfortunately all my babies were destined to be angels - too beautiful for earth.
Nick - you sound like an incredibly supportive partner which is fantastic because above all else that is what she will need.
Good luck hopefully the year will get better for you both

Thank you so much for the warm welcome and your supportive replies. I felt a lot better for simply letting it out and Christina loved the warmth from reading your replies too.

The two of you (and all the other mums) are truly amazing, I feel such deep sympathy for you, with what you have been through. Christina is very reluctant to fall pregnant again with the possibility of the worst. Your strength is beyond admirable.

Big hugs to you both, I have been there recently and still hurting. It does take a while but gradually each day gets a little easier.

Tell Christina not to be hard on herself and take time to heal, and vent away both of you, it is so unfair that any of us end up here but the ladies here have been so kind to me in my time of need and you will also get alot from the support I'm sure.

Hi Nick and Christina
I am so sorry for your loss, but very glad you have found us here. I only joined 6 months ago after my last miscarriage but have found this forum an amazing source of strength and understanding. It is a place to come and rant and vent and cry and share, there are so many people here who get how you feel, and they understand the huge range of emotions and stresses miscarriage causes. Its often hard in real life, I've found none of my friends or family really get how I've felt or the impact its had on me, yet on here total strangers have understood immediately.

Christina, although its really hard not to, try and not stress about when to or even whether to try again. I'm a great one to talk (not!) - 6 months down the track and the thought of trying again still freaks me out and scares me silly. Just the thought of going through yet another miscarriage...I don't know yet if I'm strong enough to take that risk.I have felt pressured to make a decision because of my age (42)and it has made things a million times worse in trying to heal emotionally. However in saying that I am noticing that good old 'time' is helping me get my head around it all, in the last month I noticed I have days where I feel really positive about trying again and thinking about a plan of attack (followed by days where its 'no way on earth, one kid will be just fine'!). For quite a few months I was changing my mind hour by hour and stressing about it no end, feeling that I have to make a decision quickly, so I guess its progress that now its day by day, week by week instead. But now I'm working on the theory that gradually, one day, my whether-to-or-not pendulum will settle in one side or other and when that happens I'll have a peace about what to do. Until then I'm back on the folic acid ( just in case...) and enjoying the gorgeous girl I have managed to have. But its tough. We never anticipated just having one child and yet that is now a very realistic possibility.

re blaming yourself, I think most of us here have done and maybe even still struggle with it sometimes. I have found reading as much as I could about miscarriages and what causes them ( and what doesn't) a help in putting my mind at ease. www.miscarriagesupport.org.nz has a lot of very helpful info.

take care and let yourselves grieve the loss of your darling baby. we are here anytime xx

ETA another thing I found hugely helpful was to do something to commemorate my angel. First time we bought a beautiful rose bush, and now I have 3 angel charms I wear on my bracelet. Its a huge sense of comfort to have them there with me.

Hi Christina and Nick,

hugs....m/c is such a tough and emotional roller coaster....and one that for some unknown reason is kept behind close doors. the grief is huge and at times can be overwhelming.

I am so sorry for your loss, I hope the fact that you shared your news with friends and family then you can also draw support from them during this time.

This forum was an amazing place which really helped me as it gave me somewhere to share my feelings and rant when needed.

I can empathise with Christina as I also went through the blame process....was it the walks I had done up hill, food I ate, a caffeinated drink I had....Christina it is NOT your fault, please go easy on your self

Take care of each other

Hi Nick and Christina,
so sorry you are going through this, you sound like wonderful people who are very supportive of each other.

It's so hard to lose a little life- it's amazing how quickly your heart makes such a big space for a new baby.

xxx