Awww man I think I felt a wee tear reading your post.

What a stink situation to be in - the whole 'daddy gives us this and that'.... that must really feel horrid at times.

Like some others have said I think the rewards are going to come one day when they are adults and know what real life is all about. One day they are going to realise that MUM was ALWAYS there and always did her very best by them. They are just kids, with kids brains and a kid's perspective on the world. Instant gratification and all that. I think there is probably elements of 'take it all for granted' there as well - like they don't know how good they have it with you - because it's so good, ikywim? Their take on it as adults will be quite different, along the lines of "we were raised by our Mum (mostly) and you know what she worked her a$$e off to be there for us in every way and BY GOD we appreciate that, she was our rock."

I'm a solo parent too - and can relate a lot to your post - my DS is kind of the same... he complains quite a bit about his mum and dad not being together when other people have both a mum AND a dad (which is fair enough) and also complains that I'm lazy (when I sleep in til 8am on the weekend). He constantly asks for brothers and sisters (impossible at the moment, sorry buddy) and says he "never gets to do anything fun" and I am "always working". Which is bollocks but he doesn't know that at the moment... We live in a lovely house, yes it's just me and him but it's 1,000,000 times better than the horrible life we had while me and ex-DP were together (parents constantly fighting, we had no money, dad always using drugs/alcohol in front of him, mum depressed etc). We have plenty of money and he does fun things every single day of the week. I'm not very good at "playing" but we go to parks, library, pools, get sushi or something yum after school every day, read 10 stories every night, etc. But he kinda doesn't get how lucky he is/how good it is sometimes. I feel guilty that he doesn't have parents who love each other (nothing I can do about that), that he doesn't have a proper dad (nothing I can do about that either), he watches more TV than I would like (cos sometimes I just HAVE to cook dinner or clean up and he's tired and scratchy or "bored" and I don't how else to deal with it). But in a way I'd rather he was happy/safe/lucky/occupied and a bit disatisfied. I'm a social worker and I see the pits of hell that some other kids live in every day in my job - and I go home to my little brat stuffing sushi in his gob then having a swim in the river with a lovely mum who still finds something to moan about and I have to laugh. !! It's just so silly. But sometimes I want to tell him he has no idea how lucky we are but it falls on deaf ears, he's only 5 there's no way they can really understand.

Honestly I think you are SO solid, awesome and constant in their lives that they just take it a bit for granted. But I truely believe they won't ever really want to leave the security and love that is MUM and go live with the lesser-but-still-important Dad. Every kid just wants to be with Mummy. They'll give you a hard time but you just have to keep doing what you are doing - being a supermum under some hard conditions - and they will one day grow up and realise they hold you in the highest esteem possible, higher than the moon and the stars, because in the face of everything you held on & did it - for them.

It will be OK!!!

But you have every right to feel how you feel!! Single parenting is a complex jigsaw of goods and bads, highs and lows. Always.

I'm sure you are an awesome Mum.

to YOU ! As a Mom you clearly ROCK !

Thanks Camom. I dunno about that, the list of mistakes I have made could fill an encyclopedia. Man alive.

And yeah I grump and groan and sometimes yell my head off as well. I make sure I take responsibility for my behaviour and apologise and sometimes I feel like I say sorry all the time!

You just need to know pussinboots there are heaps of others in the same boat and we all struggle with the same things!! I'm so glad you posted and put it out there.

Well, I bet you a million dollars if they did actually go and live with Dad, they would be scratching at the door to come home within 2 weeks. Without a DOUBT.

And you are only human in thinking that lol! I would too!!

DS never sees ex-DP or DP's side of the family without my supervision these days (for safety reasons - my DP is not safe to be around his son alone, sadly). So I don't have the whole "it's better at Daddy's thing" going on, but I do know that when he used to go there on weekends, he'd come home having had treats galore and I was so hacked off, that I got to pay all the bills, get my a$$e up at the buttcrack of dawn every morning to make school lunches, get him off to school, work in a full-time job, wash, cook clean and entertain all week - and they (being DP's side of family) just got to enjoy the time with DS and bum around having fun. It was so upsetting. !! On one hand you are happy they had fun on the other hand it's just so UNFAIR.

You're right QueenK as I am always happy for my girls to go and have fun at their dads house as that relationship is very important for them and I really want them to feel loved by their father which they do but it does feel one sided often that they will go there just to have fun and he doesn't really get the chance with one weekend a fortnight to get stretched by them so he would be the more fun parent etc.

Thankyou for all of the kind words though from everyone

ohhh i know this feeling so well. SO SO well, i totally feel for you. i know it isn't rational but yes, i often feel like i am the boring day to day parent and then ds's dad is the one that does stuff with him that he loves that they are mutually interested in that i don't do or can't do because of time etc etc. his dad also did the 'here i will buy you stuff all the time' thing and i just decided not to buy into it because we don't have the money to do that and it sucks so hard that, you know, he doesn't contribute to ds's day to day life financially (apparently thats my husbands job, now ) but will try to buy his affection and it WORKS. probably only on the surface but still.

but then, also, this:



not the supervision thing, but yes, everything else.




sometimes i want to say, ACTUALLY, the grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence, do you really think he can spend that kind of money on you all the time? what do you think he would put in your lunch when he can't even afford to buy food most of the time? how will he get you to school with his no car? do you really think it will be fun and games and party central all the time? NO IT WILL NOT. but i also don't have the heart to shatter his illusions about his dad.




this is what i focus on to get me through, but i think it helps that i have other children who don't go because they are from this realtionship so he see's that everyone is treated the same and they do not feel hard done by. but i keep my promises and i am there when i say i will be and i am there when i am needed and i make lunches and help with homework and we go to drs and i take care of the day to day stuff and.. i am hoping that that is what he will remember. i hope he will look at my dh later on in life and appreciate that dh took him on without a second thought and footed a lot of the bills that really, his father should have helped with. i hope that he will appreciate the opportunities he gets with us vs with his father. i hope he understands that parenting is not always easy and it is not always fun but that we were there when it counted and that is the best thing EVER.

Yeah and that's really cool they are keeping up that relationship with their Dad - awesome. Just hang in there with it all, one day you'll be out the other side and it will all make sense. xx

:iagree: couldn't have said it better.

I feel like that sometimes - yes I have to be the mean mum too - but just yanno I do so much and give so much and sometimes they dont seem to appreciate it at ALL with the bickering and the arguing. On the whole my boys are quite appreicative of a lot of things but sometimes their behaviour just doesn't seem to reflect it (which is probably where i want it reflected haha - seriously didn't they read the 'how to keep mum sane' manuel').

last year when we got all the books home from school DS#1's class had done some writing in their draft books about all their favourite things and DS's was sooo sweet, on the list were about a zillion things -that arent grand gestures it was stuff like 'my favourite kisses are the butterfly ones mum does on my nose, my favourite thing when Im sick is the lemonade ice-blocks mum gets, my favourite day is friday movie night' etc etc....so nothing grand or amazing - but obviously something he's come to appreciate (even at his ripe old age of 8) as they start to grow up they appreciate the little things and the warm fuzzies a whole lot more (not speaking for teenagers here tho obviously haha).
oh and on fathers day he chose to write a poem about his cat instead of his dad I dont know why, but the teacher didn't push it - I think he was a bit hacked off at being disappointed by him. part of me just wanted to scoop him up and fix his daddy part of his heart (bcos you never want to think of your child hurting) but the other part of me was a little happy/glad that from absolutely no doing of my own DS had cast 'Dad' out of the perfect box.

keep doing what you're doing, sounds like you are doing a great job and they WILL appreciate that in the years to come

To me it sounds like your a little burnt out too. It's important to look after ourselves as well as our children. When the girls are at their dads maybe do some really special things just for you!!! Your important too

To be honest from what others have said you do all you can for your children and one of the biggest things I note is that you are THERE for them.. And at the end of the day, when your children grow up, this is what they will remember..

I see bits of myself in your post.. Im not a solo parent but we have the 'santa claus' aspect of split households to contend with. Everyone loves santa claus - is what I often say and its true But children learn things from having that in their lives as much as they learn from boundaries, discipline and a nicely contained environment.

Parenting burn out sucks and I can only say that cos not that long ago I was experiening it myself for the first time - I doubt it will be my last, what with a baby on the way and Izzy coming home today from two weeks with his mother..

I think the 'single' part could be removed from this.
You are doing a great job PiB, and I don't think anyone finds being a parent to be the most satisfying enjoying thing all the time. Kids are hard work and there are a million boring little repetitive chores associated with them. They don't often appreciate how much we do for them, but can you really expect them to? You shouldn't feel guilty about feeling bored or fed up either, I think that's totally normal when you're tired and no one is giving you any recognition for you devoting your day to them! I know I feel like that sometimes.
I think you are doing the very best for your girls and that will be what shows up in the long term.

lots of love from me - you are doing a fabulous job and you've been through so much recently, it sucks that you are beating yourself up like this. You are a wonderful mother and a wonderful person, and please don't think any differently!!