All advice gratefully accepted!

My 7 month old had been a relatively good sleeper until a few weeks ago. From about 2 months she's been put to sleep awake for day sleeps and in the evening she has bath-feed-bed routine and usually settles between 7-7.30, usually falling asleep while beng fed and is t/f to bed. She usually woke 1-2 x a night for a bf, sleeps thru the feed and transfers back to bed (usually up to an hr after the feed as I would fall asleep feeding on the couch.

Basically Just after Xmas she started having crappy day sleeps and wouldn't settle in her cot - I'm happy for her to have a little wind down grizzle but I don't do CIO or CC if they are screaming, so I suspected she might be teething and so comforted her and cuddled her to sleep IF I couldn't get her to self settle. I also increased her solids to 2-3 x a day in case she was hungry. Anyway, within a few days she was back to settling well during the day but our evenings and nights turned to custard. She started waking 1/2 hr after going to bed at night and then was up for another 2 hrs before I could settle her, and started wanting a feed at 10.30-11.30pm and at least 2-3 , sometimes 4 times a night, and often wouldn't settle back into her cot after 5am so I would bring her back into bed to sleep with us.

Fast forward 2 weeks and now I have a little girl who is very difficult to settle in the evenings, usually wakes 2 minutes after being t/f into cot IF she happens to fall asleep bf, and otherwise needs me there in her room, stroking her forehead. If I'm really lucky she will sleep in her cot all evening but require me to re settle her every half hour... But more often or not she ends up sleeping, or not sleeping in my arms most of the evening. Daddy's arms are not a acceptable substitute. And if i leave her she screams the house down until i am holding her again. I even had to ride in the back of the car to sit with her on a 2 hour car trip home on Saturday night as she kept screaming despite my mum soothing her.

By 10-10.30 I usually have had enough and retreat to bed with my little darling who has taken a liking to co-sleeping with her mummy all night long. Attempts at transferring her back to her own cot usually fail immediately, or within 30 minutes. I can now sleep relatively well with her, sometimes having 4-5 hrs of deep sleep at a time, and managing 6-7 hrs in total, which I need to keep me sane and able to work. . and I am quite happy she is safe in bed with us - my arm is around her in a way that makes it impossible to roll on her.
I know heaps of people opt to co-sleep for many reasons, and I don't mind doing it short term for a good reason, as I have done with the boys, but DH is finding it hard to get good sleep, and he finds it hard to sleep on the couch - so its not really I want to be doing for the next few years.

I should mention that in this time she has learnt how to roll front to back, has started commando crawling (preceeded by 2 long nights of very disturbed sleep) and has sprouted 2 teeth as of this morning. And I increased my hours from 3 to 4 short days at work.

From what I have read seperation anxiety can start as early as 6mths and is often starts when babies become more mobile, ie.crawling. She definitely seems to have 'stormy' weeks associated with her developmental milestones as well. For us it seems it's the seperation anxiety isn't a problem during the day when DH cares for, her, but just the evening night. And I can understand that, given I am at work during the day, that she wants to make up for that missed time.

I want to be responsive to her needs and I think i am doing that, but it's hard not to think that I'm creating some difficult habits to break down the track. Especially when most family/friends/workmates who give advice have more mainstream thinking - as I did with DS1 who was a dream baby. And I guess I am finding it frustrating a bit, not really getting any downtime in the evening, especially if I have been working - I really need to fit in some exercise or knitting for weight loss and stress relief.

So, can anyone give me some reassurance? Ie. Age & stage etc/Been there & done that and it got better/life returned to normal.
Please tell me things returned to normal!!! Anything else I can do ???


if you've read ALL that, thank you!!
Please excuse spelling mistakes etc... Typing one handed with baby snuggled on me.

Should mention that I have just put night lights & lamps inher room so it's not so dark, and a cmoon chair next to her it so I can feed/settle/ sit with her in her room and it doesn't seem to have made much difference.

it is hard when they don't want to sleep properly.

I have no advice on getting her to self settle again (my 2 yr old still falls asleep on the lounge floor most nights ) but for the bed....have you tried using the cot as a side-car by your bed? Then you can still be together, but your DH has his space too.

Hmmmmmm

Both my girls sleep got worse when they were teething and I remember DS went through a wakeful periods about 8months as well (which coincided with teeth ) but he'd stopped feeding int he night so we we did Daddy intervention and it was over reasonably quickly (it was 6 years ago so the old memory is failing a bit).

Its been said before but I've used the No Cry Sleep Solution to help both gets bubs out of co-sleeping and off night feeding. The co-sleeping I stopped at about 6 months as I was getting kicked around a lot and I am a light sleeper so was starting to get less sleep rather than more and the night feeding I actually stopped much later but used the same strategies in the book.

Its probably worth a try to have the cot in your room if you can fit it like Amie suggests and encourage her to sleep in that... transfer her over once she is asleep or something (there are strategies in the book).

One thing I"ve always done, and probably not everyone agrees with me is that I've always kept the bedrooms for sleeping... so I've not taken an unsettled or awake baby out of their bedroom but kept in it... restricting for me but I wanted the bedroom to be associated with sleep if that makes sense? I'd have a book or now I'd read or use my phone to keep me a bit entertained while I settle, especially if they are asleep and we're trying to get to sleep.

With day sleeps could you use a hammock or buggy walk to help her get to sleep?

With my girls getting them to self settle was simply a slow withdrawal of parental intervention.. stop the feed a bit earlier, rock in arms, moving to rock in cot. I still often feed my youngest to sleep for naps etc but will probably try to wean her off that soon and can usually get her into her bed and staying asleep by shushing and rocking.

The other thing is that it could be that her new developmental skills aren't helping.

Also, as an alternative back up, any chance of getting the bed that baby will eventually move into now, and putting it in the room, so that if DH needs to sleep elsewhere he can sleep there instead of the couch?

Thanks for advice!

Amie I have been debating the idea of sidecar-ing a cot.. Kind of thinking it might be my last resort really. I really can't see how I could fit the cot next to our bed though. Well, I think it .might. fit if we did some major rearranging of furniture and a great deal of faffing about, so it is perhaps an option for the long term. Her next bed is meant to be a toddler bed that we got gifted by my MIL and could also be used as a Sidecar I guess if we had it on something to raise the legs, and that may be an easier option if it were possible as we could leave her cot in her room for day sleeps. I would love to buy her a proper bed to put in her room, Felicis and have been considering it too, but not sure one would fit in there at the mo with the cot etc as its pretty much just a single room. Actually I see no problem with the couch as I spent half the pregnancy sleeping on it, maybe DH just needs some more practice lol

I totally agree with you about settling them in their bedroom KM. When i was trying to get her settled into a good evening routine early on i spent most of the evenings in our bedroom, cluster feeding on our bed for a good few hours. I have become lazy since we moved her into her room a couple of months ago, mainly because I didn't have a chair I could use in there. I know I need to persist in trying to settle her in there, it's just hard to spend alllllll evening in there holding onto a wriggling sleep resisting baby. I admit to getting a bit fed up by about 8.30.

Anyway it seems as if she is a little better today, I just popped her down for a late Arvo nap and she's gone off without complaint. The real test will be tonight, I have to go out for a committee meeting from 7.30 and I guess we will see what she does if I'm not around.

Sometimes they can be better when you aren't around. DD2, who is older at almost 2, settles so quickly for DH but if I go in then it requires MUCH more intervention, cuddles and resisting going back to bed. My sisters DS (15 months) is the same.

I know what you mean about getting fed up. For some reason when she was tiny DD2 took a long time to get into a good 'going to bed at night' routine and 8:30 was not unusual to be still feeding/rocking etc. Really kills the evening and when you've got older children, not sure about you but I really value the time I have in the evening where I can relax, chill and spend time with hubby.

Hope that she settles okay tonight and that its just a short lived anomaly that disappears... before the next little blip happens

Kermit, our girls seem like two peas in a pod! DD is a dream to get to sleep during the day, put her to bed awake, dont hear a peep out of her until she wakes up from her nap (usually, but if she grizzles its only for a minute or two) but come evening it used to be a whole nother kettle of fish!!

I found I could not let her sleep beyond 3:30pm or I would spend AGES trying to settle her and with the noise DH and DS make it, made it impossible to lull her into a nice sleep where she was happy to not have me near.

I have just put her into a safety sleep as she has finally learnt how to roll over but hasnt worked out how to get back onto her back.

I have also cut out feeding her to sleep during the night (I still do for her last night feed) so she's a little less dependent on me to get back to sleep. I am no longer taking her out of her bed to rock etc... but I gently pat/rock her while shes lying down. Once shes calmed down I just sit next to her either with my hand on her not moving for a while or just next to her in the chair so she can sense/see me and is happy to nod back off to sleep. Once I hear the change in her breathing I sneak out of her room.

The first few nights she was waking up every two hours, but on the forth night she slept from 10pm-6:30am without waking me, and the fifth night she went 7pm-6:30am Sadly there hasnt been a repeat but the time taking to settle her has decreased to a few mins rather than 20+

I wish I had started doing this earlier but we had such a busy christmas with lots of camping/room sharing in motels that I felt I couldn't let her grizzle for long so as to not disturb anyone.

I hope she improves, its exhausting - both physically and mentally! Come around 9:30pm my tolerance for her antics starts to fad and its very hard to keep myself from just walking out and letting her sort herself out, and then I feel guilty for even considering it

Wow you could have read my mind!!

My dd2 is 6.5 months old and had never gone to bed before 9. Its normally around 10pm that she finally goes down. I can feed on off for hrs before bed. Have increased solids to 2-3 times a day, is currently teething, sleeps thru some nights, wakes 2 times other nights. she just doesn't seem to get the idea of bedtime routine. I too was a firm believer in tough love. My dd1 was a dream baby too so this one is driving me nuts!!

We don't co sleep but I think she would love it as I normally fall asleep feeding her then wake up later and t/f to cot. But no sorry, I don't want to co sleep.

I want my evenings back. I feel guilty too when I just want my own time.

I will be watching this thread eagerly!!!

I admit to walking out in a grump usually around the 8.30 time frame, having had enough, and 2 min later I am back in there apologizing to her.

Doing it in gradual stages seems smart. I have tried the hand on her, rubbing forehead etc which does work early evening but not at night.

She did the usual with DH tonight, refuse to settle in cot, fall asleep being cuddled for 5 min, waking up fully revived, then eventually crashing in his arms an hour later after failed attempts at putting her down. He then t/f her onto couch so he could relax a bit. She woke up 5 min after I came home, gave me a big smile and then demanded a feed. Think I was missed! Will try t/f her off my lap to cot now but not expecting that will last long.

At least she did settle for your DH even if it was a bit hit and miss!

Yes she did, I'm quite relieved by that. I am on call for my job usually once a week ( like tonight) And i occasionally get called into work ( as I did for 2 hours tonight) , and I was worrying abut about how she would go. Anyhow tonight went much the same as last night except she was awake when I got home.