Hi ladies,

I just woke up feeling empty and sad and didn't know why. Then it hit me that yesterday I found out my baby had died. I was supposed to be 11 weeks 4 days pregnant, but my baby had died at around 9 weeks.

I am just so devasted, the crying can't seem to stop... I know I will feel better in time, but my god no one can prepare you for the overwhelming grief can they? I am taking a little comfort in knowing that there was obviously a problem with my unborn baby and she decided to stop things for us both. Even in my womb I had a brave wee girl. I don't even know if she was a girl. It's just a feeling.

Through my tears I am trying to count my blessings, although its hard. I have a beautiful 4 year old boy who I adore, a loving partner, and a pretty good life. I know there are others out there in worse situations than I.

I have friends and family who have suffered misscarriages and I always felt for them, but it's true that until you experience one yourself you really have no idea. So to all you ladies reading this, I know how you feel and my god do I feel for you/us.

I am going to try and have a d and c next week, I need to see my gp on Monday to get a referral, my midwife said that will be faster. I have already decided to keep her, and we will bury her in a pot plant with a rose bush and my mum will take care of her for a little while.

The last thing I want to say is - to my brave little angel, i love you more than you could ever know, and I will wait patiently until its my time to see you and hold you in heaven xxxx

Thinking of you and your loss. RIP to your wee angel

Oh Landa I'm so very sorry.

You are dealing with a significant loss, so be gentle on yourself.

This forum is wonderful for expressing yourself, and getting support, we are here for you, any time you need it.

Awwwww Landa - such a sad sad time for you

Such a beautiful and special way to remember your little darling by planting a rose bush.

Take care xoxo

Oh Landa, I am so sorry to hear this aweful news I was so hoping that I would have been the only one on the August MTB to go through this.

Take it easy and be good to yourselves, lots of hugs from your men xxx

I hope you get that referral quickly, big hugs. I am thinking of you

Landa, my heart is breaking for you...its just so sad. I'm so sorry you won't get to continue this journey with us, but hope that one day when you are ready, you will be on another MTB board and will hold a lovely healthy wee buba at the end of your 9 mths....

Take the next weeks gently and let the tears flow. Remember that we are all here for you and thinking of you.

Losing a baby to miscarriage is so hard and right now it will be minute by minute, hour by hour. Snuggle close to your wee son as there will be a lot of healing in those 4yr old arms. Its so lovely that you want to bring your wee angel home and bury her to always be near you, that is just beautiful...

Am thinking of you and sending much love and the biggest

So sorry for your loss - you are correct we all unfortunately know exactly how you are feeling and my heart goes out to you this morning.
Stay strong and we are here if you need us

Landa i'm so very sad for you that this has happened. Take everything day by day . Some will be harder than others And over time the grief will lessen.
What a beautiful way to remember you angel with the planting of a rose tree Thinking of you at this sad time.

so sorry to hear of your loss Landa.
take care of yourself and hug your wee boy heaps

thinking of you xx

landa. Come here to vent as much as you need. The support you get here is amazing. Take care. I'm so sorry for the loss of your wee one.

I'm so glad you posted here hun - the support is amazing. Kia kaha my friend.

Landa so sorry for you loss and have been thinking of you this weekend. Take care

I hope your doing OK, I found the first couple of weeks the worst and the hardest part was speaking the words out loud that our beautiful baby had died, its so hard, but I do hope you find comfort in the fact that with time the edges of grief soften and we are able to see some of the joy in the days again.

Keep talking, I found comfort in the understanding ladies on here.

Thanks to all you lovely ladies for your kind words... It has meant a lot to me, so thank you.

I have been to gp this morning and have a referral in for an appt with a good ob/gyn. Appt is on Thursday afternoon. Not sure where I will be at by then as I am now passing more clots and it's looking more red than brown. So I may misscarry naturally between now and then. Will wait and see. My gp speaks very highly of him, so it's probably the right thing to do by waiting.

Otherwise it's just day by day as you have all said. It still hurts, I still cry, but am maybe starting to accept a little bit more now. Next week will be a little bit harder as a workmate is just 2 weeks ahead of me in her pregnancy (we even coincidently had the same midwife), so I need to find a way to cope and to be happy for her.

Anyway, just wanted to give an update. Thanks again for reading and for the support

Aw Landa, what a rough time you must be going through. I am so sorry that you are here becuase you've lost your angel. Be strong. Cry. Talk. I know next week is a long way off but is there someone who can tell your friend at work. Un-telling people is so hard and maybe having someone break the news might help you a bit? Just a thought.

Big hugs and thinking of you as you go through your week.

Landa, hope things are ok as can be with you. Good luck for your appointment today, let usknow how you get on and how you are xx

thanks Clemmy for thinking of me today.

Been to appt - he said it was very unusual to see a healthy little baby with good heartbeat at 7.5 weeks and then go on to miscarry - he told me that was quite rare.

I have D and C booked for tomorrow at 12.30 privately. Still bleeding so it will be good have everything cleared out.

what can i expect things to be like after the procedure? will i bleed or have any pain? I forgot to ask the doc...

Will be thinking of you tomorrow Landa and sending you big hugs and much love...
Go gently in the coming weeks

Landa with my D&C the bleeding was less than a period afterwards. The pain was much better and if your feeling emotionally in a place to TTC quickly afterwards you may find your fertility returns quickly. Until recently D&Cs were used as a fertility treatment. For me it helped knowing that there might be a grain of something positive in such a sad and difficult time.

My lovely obstetrician said the same thing that it's not common. It's hard though because you think your safe now when you see their precious heart beating.

I hope tomorrow isn't too hard for you. Sending you a big hug.

Landa, great that your gyn was so nice to you and a D&C booked so quickly. Where in the country are you? I had mine done privately at Columba at Ascot last week and they were fantastic in a difficult situation.

I bled heavy (like a period) that day and half the next day and has been light since, Said it may last 7-14 days. Only period type cramps that day nothing more. Emotionally it has helped heaps. A little easier every day!

Good luck for tomorrow x

Hey Landa, I didn't have any pain after both my D&C', bleeding was lighter than a period and lasted less than one week. Far better experience than my medically managed miscarraige.

I was told that your chances of miscarrying reduce to 3% once you get a heartbeat, it's horrible that some of us are in that 3% and even more unfortunate when it happens more than once. Both my angels that had heartbeats had chromosonal abnormalities (Trisomy 13 and Trisomy 5). I don't know what your thoughts are on testing but for me understanding why their little hearts stopped did help me with my grief process and helped reassure me there was nothing I could have done differently.

Good luck - let us know how you get on.

Hello ladies,

Home after d and c. The whole experience was as pleasant as it could be. All the hospital docs and nurses were so kind and caring and it meant so much to me and DP.

Not in too much pain, just a bit sore and achy as expected. The specialist said there was a lot of tissue remaining and that he felt I definitely needed the procedure done today.

Had a cry in recovery and just before I went under anesthetic. I said a wee prayer for my angel and said goodbye to her as I lay in the table drifting off to sleep. I do feel like I can heal and move forward now. Still sad, but feeling emotionally just a little bit better.

Thanks again for all the support. You are all special ladies.

Xxxx

Hi Landa

I'm so glad that everything went well today and that you were looked after by wonderful staff.

Thinking of you xoxo

Hi Landa - really pleased to hear the d&c went well and you are on the mend. take care of yourself xx

hi, glad to hear it went as well as can be expected and remember to take time to heal noth physically and emotionally.

I too am in the 3% group of seeing a strong heartbeat at 7 weeks and by baby died a week later.

Cuddle your 4yr old son and treasure him.

Take care