DD1 is four and has always been a wee bit on the grumpy side... even as a baby she was quite difficult to settle and very sensitive to things like changes in routine.

She is a bright, caring, loving little girl with a reasonable amount of energy and she doesn't miss much. She is quite articulate. But she can also be very negative, grumpy and downright difficult as well. She is VERY determined, she likes to have things happen her way and is prone to the type of tantrums that result in her screaming for ages if things aren't going her way.

We had some clothing issues last winter which resulted in her only wearing about two pairs of trackies and three tops She's got a lot better since then and is now wearing a variety of clothes but doesn't like clothing that is close fitting... but only kind of, she'll happily wear leggings but not a close fitting t-shirt.

ATM we're going through a bit of a grumpy patch and its doing my head in. Literally everything that happened today, all she could see is the negative side or what was wrong... she didn't want to eat the biscuit in her snack box, there was a tiny bit of crust left on her sandwich, there are bubbles in the bath... its whinge whinge complain complain.

Its like there could be five things on her plate that she loves eating and she'll complain about the one thing that "isn't her favourite". We also had a long run of food battles which have basically gone now but it took a while to get that sorted as well.

She's also a champion grudge holder. She remembers EVERYTHING and brings up stuff from the past all the time. And if she's in a mood she'll bring up all sorts of apparently irrelevant stuff which obviously sticks in her head.

So, any wise advice? How do you deal with the day in day out complaining/negativity. I admit that at 38 weeks plus pregnant my patience isn't the greatest and school holidays is probably bringing it all out as well lol but truthfully I think some of it is just her... just how to deal with it, how to bring out the best in her and make sure that she isn't going be one of those grumpy kids who has no friends. I am happy to have a little girl who will stand up for herself and be passionate about who she is and what she believes in but I'd also like her to be a bit pleasant to live with!

Hi there,

A good book to read is Raising your Spirited child by Sheila... can't remember her name. Here is a link: http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Perceptive/dp/0060923288

My sister recommended it to me and it helped her with her DD as well as recognising many traits in herself (likewise with me).

I think it would help you as many of your comments stood out to me, such as:



The book explains how children who are sensitive to certain stimuli are programmed. It explains about introverts and extroverts and how these different types react to sitations - be it a change in routine or the feeling of certain fabrics on skin.

I felt it was a good way to understand how I react to certain situations too E.g. your DD is sensitive to the feeling of certain fabrics - I am the same and hate to have socks on without having the seam lined up or having a restricted-feeling jacket on. Also, I am an introvert and hate having my routine messed with - it makes me feel uncomfortable but I never understood why it made me grumpy when we had to make a random stop-off on the way to our final destination until I read this book.

It helps you with ways to channel their "talents" of perception and sensitivity and how to put a positive spin on it It also explains ways of how to teach your child to interact with other children and social situations in a way that ensures theur needs are met and social expections are also adhered to.

I have used it with my DD but it would be even better for you as your DD is old enough to talk and understand more than my wee one. My DD is a tanty-thrower too but it has given me many skills to stop her behaviour before it gets to time-out stage... well, sometimes at least - she is only 2

lol you did well to get her in trakkies...#2's spent the last 4winters in shorts/tshirts and jandals....this lastyear we discovered hoodies (as long as they have a zip - god bless zips ). and about 2months ago skinny jeans (his first ever pants that he'll wear YAY lol). -if its any consolation the little girl i looked after thru porse was the same - she was the most awesome little girl but man clothing wise...she only wore boys clothes and ditto to no winter clothes - she doesn't do shoes either - even undies HAVE to be boys undies .
no wise advice I can see traits you are describing in both my children...but not lumped together in one child lol #1 is mr pessimistic/negative whinge whinge whinge - you could take him out have an amazing day - and if you made the mistake of asking him about his day he'd tell you it was the worst day ever because xyzbdc (infact had this exact conversation after taking him to dreamworld :arrrgh: lol), and #2 is the one with kind of weird sensitivites-clothes/shoes/cracks in the ground that cant be stepped over, certain ways of 'having' to get out of the car/enter a supermarket etc etc lol

I've heard of that book b4 too - should make some interesting reading.

oh gee that reads familiar, my nearly 7 year old has always been on the grumpy negative side, doesnt help that his brother is the opposite so it just magnifies his behaviour. i have noticed among friends that it is 'usually' the oldest child if any that are like that? makes it hard in our house as mr 3 plays on it a bit and theres a lot of winging/crying/screaming day to day, very tiring.
ds nearly 7
ds 3

Hi Kiwimum

I could have written your post. It's amazing, It sounds like you were talking about my daughter word for word. My dh finds it extremely hard dealing with her and thinks she is the way she is because she is spoilt which I totally disagree. I have brand new winter and now summer clothing that she has never worn because it's not the right colour or something. She has to eat off the same plate and drink out of the same cup at home or world war 2 breaks out. Dh and I are not aloud to sing in the car she will scream at us to stop, not a lout windows down. And people are not aloud to look at her which makes it really embarrassing to go out with her as she tells people very rudely to not look at her. Her memory is also amazing and really blows us away.
We have major foes battles and struggle with her eating. I've had to stop buying yoghurts ( dairy foes ones) as when she opened it she would want to open another one because it had bubbles on top. One morning feeling really tired inlet her get away withnopening 4 but screamed at everyone saying they had bubbles so for the rest of the morning she was screaming and could not settle her. she is also into twos, so everything she does has to be done twice, or if she has a biscuit has to be two, two stories etc.

It's very tiresome and I'm also 37 pregnant with my third and I'm really worried how she is going to be when bubs arrives and she didn't handle number 2 well at all. She is also a poor sleeper and I'm up to her on average 3-6 times a night on a good night and up to ten on a bad night. Dh can't help as she won't let him do anything for her, not even put her to bed. When she was younger before she could talk she would wake in the morning happy but once up and in the lounge she would start screaming for no reason at all and would last for hours. It wasn't until she was around 2.5 that it stopped and we never new what it was about. She has always been a nightmare in a push chair, car seat. So going anywhere with her for longer than an hour in the car is a total nightmare as she starts screaming and doesn't stop until we stop the car. I would have though at 3.5 she would have grown out of it by now.
Sorry it seems I've gone on a tangent, and there is still a lot more I could write lol

I'll be watching this thread with interest and will even look at getting that book suggested.



I'm also pregnant with my third and finding it hard to deal with her behavior

as a slight aside, was anyone elses 'spirited' child grumpy from really young, everywhere we went when my son was very young turned to custard as it was a continual effort to keep him happy, he was in no way a placid baby.

Wow, wizz, your DD is sounding harder to deal with than mine! Thankfully we're not getting quite as much screaming as you seem to be (we did around food but its stopped now and it was only around dinner time) but we do get lots of scowling and grumping around.

I am hoping that with this baby because she is actually much older she won't be quite so displaced. She struggled a bit with DD2's arrival, just a bit lost until she worked things out really.

DD is also very sensitive to smell. She can smell DD2's pooey nappies across the room (which is quite useful lol) but at the same time she is not squeamish, like she cleaned some bird poo off the tramp today while DS (6) was going making a huge fuss about it and how he wouldn't want to clean it.

Zen - Thanks for the recommendation regarding the book, I will try it out. I think part of it is that I know that some of what she does is fairly 'normal' for her age, like being quite pedantic and wanting things certain ways but its more than that sometimes too I think.


Squeeble - DD is actually second in the line, very middle at the moment. And yes, grumpy from get go I often think that much of her unsettledness as a baby was probalby her saying "Mummy this tag feels all funny on my neck... my nappy is just a bit tight... I don't like these socks..." She hated other people, like she didn't like going to anyone else (DH was barely tolerated at best), didn't interact or smile with others outside our home but was quite interactive with us in general just not with other people. Very Mummy orientated. She still can be a little standoffish with people she doesn't know but she's fairly okay now with different people and things whereas for the first year it was only ever Mummy and no one else got a look in.

DS2 is a glass half empty kid. It's quite tiring because it results in a lot of sibling rivalry. We recently went to the parenting centre for a bit of help with him and she suggested when he was complaining about what others had and he didn't have that we just look him in the eye and simply say "would you like more?". Surprisingly this often works - probably because the whinging and playing up is often about diverting attention to themselves even if it's in a neg way... and combined with being a glass half empty kid is just down right irritating and annoying.

I read Your Spirited Child when DS1 was about 4yo thinking this would truly be him only to realise that DS2 was infact more spirited than DS1 at only 1yo so I guess he's always been like this although he was quite placid for the first six months of life.

He was also "displaced" by DS3 - middle child syndrome perhaps? LOL.

Oh yeah, and parenting coach also suggested that we be very positive, upbeat and happy in our interactions with him even if he was doing the big grump thing - also works.

KM she sounds like a kid with some sensory sensitivities. DD was (still is to a lesser extent) really sensitive to clothing, food texture, smells, and sounds. She's also my glass half empty kid.

Even now if I ask her how her day at school went it'll be "Oh well so and so didn't sit next to me, and I had no-one to play with and..." but if I say "what were the three best things about school today?" she can rattle off three or more great things about her day.

I've found a lot of it is how I react to her, and how positive I am about things.

Do you have any pets? I read that pets for kids like these are really important because they have a sympathetic ear to tell their troubles to and it can be a really nice relationship for them. We've certainly seen that with DD and her cat.

There's a 'melancholic' personality type (Diane Levy talks about it a bit) and DD is so like that. She really needs structure and routine. Some of it makes for a difficult preschooler but a really lovely older child - so there is hope!

That positive question thing works really well Pudding. I've heard it's good for uncommunicative teens too. Ask them specifics so you get actual answers, rather than just getting "OK" all the time.