I'm not anything close to an expert on kids. I am how ever a mother to a girl who was displaying similar traits as described by OP.
DD1 is not Aspergers, she's not ADHD, she's not anything other than a child that was bored easily and destructive when not stimulated at the same age. I even had a kindy sit me down and tell me that she was special needs (err) which they quickly withdrew.
As it happens, she slowly came out of it little by little and began interacting with kids in her own time. She stopped playing beside them and getting into everything and took an interest in the social element of her learning.
By the day she turned five she had changed, it now seems like night and day. The insane wild little person that was in her changed and she has keen interest in numbers, letters and learning (nothing over or under normal though), joined sports teams etc. Ears automatically switched on and she's just lovely.

I did have a talk to the Dr about it but she said it was common for parents to have suspicions about their kids at age 3ish, and that it usually died out slowly as they came to school age. But if anything is going past school age, then it's a problem.

Now I am not at all stymieing the possibility that there could be something genuinely wrong with this little girl. But I do think that you need to chill about this. If there is a real problem then she will get picked up and placed in the system. In the mean time, I agree with the quote katnik posted. Parents don't want to hear that there is something wrong with their kid from someone on the outside. The best you can do, is be supportive and provide help and recommendations.

hi Purplebear

i havent read all of what everyone has said, so apologies if im repeating what others have said, Im a registered early childhood teacher, have worked in special needs schools in classes of children who were all autistic, and i have 3 children and 1 adult in my family/DHs family with mental disabilities (2 of them on the spectrum) so have a bit of experience in this area.. but Autistic spectrum is SO vast, from what you tell us without us knowing the child, she could just be a very lively, quirky child, who will grow out of her funny ways- or use them to become a genius in the future-who knows? or she could be somewhere on the spectrum.. its a very complicated thing to diagnose. how close are you and your sister?i guess all relationships are different, i know for me and my sister we have a close enough relationship that i could say something to her about her children if i was concerned and vice versa..but i know all families arent like that.



see, im sorry but i have to disagree with the above..getting to school age without a problem being picked up on is not a good thing..if the child gets to school and no support has been sought after, this is when a child often VERY quickly gets labelled with things like "trouble child" and slips under the radar. not saying always, but from experience, ive seen it happen way too often..including my DHs little sister who is now 12, she was labelled a disruptive kid who couldnt pay attention in class until she was 8, when she was finally diagnosed with asbergers, and now is a totally different child, thriving and learning with her teacher aide, fully funded (another thing with children who need support but arent diagnosed as anything is that the school and parents get no funding for anything the child needs...my MIL paid out of her own pocket for years for a teacher aide because little one couldnt cope and no one listened to her when she said she was more than a naughty child..)

and no, someone wont necessarily pick up on it and pass them on...often everyone leaves it to everyone else to do..kindys etc dont always get it right, so you cant rely on them always..so the best people, if there is real genuine concern, are family who can support each other through then entire ordeal..because it IS quite an ordeal when you are talking about diagnosing mental disabilities.

so at the end of the day, its up to you..if its keeping you up at night, and your relationship with your sister is tight then maybe you should say something?if not, maybe wait until she is 4 and then you could say something about being ready for school and coping etc, and bring it up that way?

GL hun, you are a good sister for seeking advice like this

Gosh what an interesting range of experiences we all have.

I have to agree that getting to school age for a child possibly on the spectrum without anyone looking into any possible issues would be a shame.

Katniksmum, I don't think anyone here has 'diagnosed' purplebear's niece. I for one have been thinking that if a person who has seen the child over a period of time and has knowledge of three year olds and of autism thinks there could be something different about the child, then that difference bears investigation. By experts. For the child's sake and the parents.

I also have to say (and I mean no offense here, you are clearly very knowledgable) that 1. Yes, autism spectrum disorders run in families. I am a geneticist, you can take my word on it but it is backed up by Atwood and others. One of the questions they ask when diagnosing is, are there any particularly quirky adult relations?

2. Autistic people often avoid eye contact. However they can also be at the other extreme, like my son. He will make very direct eye contact, he will speak to complete strangers in the street as if they are people he knows well (he invited a woman on the street to our house today). So to use purplebear's words, 'as likely to hug a stranger as her mother', I think that is a red flag, albeit a small one. I know plenty of three year olds and most of them would be more likely to hug their mother than a stranger.

Lastly, it just may not have occurred to the child's parents that there is anything different about their daughter, or if it has, they may be doing what I did and putting it down entirely to personality. I thought my son was just extremely strong willed, etc etc. it took a lot of reading about autism to see all the subtle ways in which his behaviour was unusual, and to understand that the difference was autism and not character.