I have never been totally happy with DD's School, but I am new to Schooling and do not know if I have unreasonable expectations.

My main concern is the bullying more so how it is handled. I am aware that it occurs at every school, Ella has experienced this but the Principals approach was if she doesn't tell me about it on the day it happens I can not really act on it. Is this how most school approach it?

For the younger children aged 5 and 6 what sort of teachers/big buddies are around at lunch times? When bullying occurs I would have thought there would be someone easily tracked down to seek help.

I want to change because I think it would be best for my daughter, she is so intelligent and her school just seem happy with her achieving the "standard" and not pushing her.

Hmmm...well, we have had the odd incidences of minor bullying with ds1 (Y5) and the school dealt with it by having a discussion first with ds to come up with strategies about how he'd like it dealt with, and then he ended up deciding to have it addressed in 'circle time' in class - which is where the class talk about playground issues, if you like, and how to deal with them. So, ds's problem was raised anonymously by the teacher, and there was some discussion about it.

The issue we have raised have not been that they need to be dealt with 'on the day'- I find that a bit odd.

I wasn't able to go into school at the time to see the teacher, but emailed her, and she kept in touch about what was happening. I felt that it was handled well.

Our school also has Peer Mediators who help with playground conflict. This is a scheme started by the Peace Foundation.

There are always duty teachers/staff around as well - visible with hi-viz vests. Whenever I have observed, there is always one in the junior play area.

What kind of bullying is your dd experiencing? I would probably try talking to the classroom teacher in the first instance. In our case, it was the classroom teacher, and the Deputy Principal who dealt with it.

Thanks GA, we have through out the year had issues and spoken with the class teacher and the principal. Her bullying ranged from lunch being squashed, being followed around and picked on and even having children comment about her appearance and tell her she needs to shave her legs etc. Not really BIG time physical bullying but that has happened to her friends (who then fail to tell their parents so it gets ignored)

A majority of the problems were caused by the same 2students, and the schools response was they couldn't do much because of the "type" of parents these children had, a school meeting would get nowhere so it was basically left.

The school has a reputation for not dealing with bullying and I know of 1/2dozen families that removed children because issues are swept under the carpet.

So I am thinking maybe it is just small fry stuff now but I KNOW when/if it gets worse then it also won't be dealt with.

To suggest that the problem is that of the parents, may be true to an extent but I believe children will rise to the occasion when expected. It is up to the school to set up the expectations they have of behaviour at school and enforce it.

The type of situations you refer to I believe are all unacceptable. I certainly wouldn't want my child treated like that.

Given that you are concerned about the academic merits of the school and the way they are dealing with behavioural issues perhaps you need to be looking at alternative schools?

I think matters really are all related and they stem from a management of the school that really is below par (regardless of how nice they are - because lets face it many of them are nice; but some are just not effective).

Not on. Bullying - and what you describe is indeed bullying - should be a zero tolerance. And no, children shouldn't have to report that sort of stuff instantly to have it dealt with.

If they actually KNOW that 2 students are causing it, then they need to do something to ensure that the students are sfe - for what are these 2 children learning? NOTHING. Just how to continue to intimidate etc.

Sure some kids have families that will not do anything - well that is not the fault of the victims. They should, in short, be removed from the playground, until they are able to participate in it in a safe way. The principal needs to be much more proactive in ensuring the saftey of the children.

If moving schools is an option, then I would looka t that. Inthe mean time, i would write a letter to the principal and board members, adressing your concerns that this behaviour, by being tolerated, is being encouraged and that they have a duty to ensure that children are safe while they are at school. I would ask for a reply as to how they intend to ensure that the (listed) behaviours will be dealt with to reduce them, and ensure your child's safety in the playground.

I would say that the school does not have a sound policy in place and I would definitely write a letter like felicis suggest and outline yoru concerns. To blame it on the parents is a cop out... the school can address the bullying regardless of whether the parents are going to be involved. Ideally the parents would be involved but you can still deal with the child's behaviour in the playground and classroom without parental involvement.

Bullying can be subtle and systematic and pretty sneaky so reporting one event the day it happened (someone squashed my lunch) is dumb, it would just be dismissed as an accident whereas having the lunch squished every day is a far more serious and upsetting situation to be in.

Our school has teachers on duty, peer mediators on duty to deal with problems during play time, they have special vests and a checklist of things to work through if there is a problem. I don't exactly know the process in which they deal with bullies but when DS had a kid in his class throw is lunch on the ground one day I told the teacher who said she'd keep an eye on it and she did and it was a oncer.

THey have a mediation type programme that the school runs with children whose behaviour is unacceptable... there is a process of reflection the child goes through, identifying how others would feel etc etc and how they fix the problem. If it becomes more of an issue they go to classroom and work on it during their lunch breaks with a teacher, working through the issues etc etc. I am imagining teachers and the DP etc would get involved for some issues but I haven't experienced it myself.

I'd send the letter and look at other schools. Obviously its a known problem but do make sure that other schools have decent policies in place too before you move. Ask them specific questions about how they would deal with your DD's situation at their school and ask to see their written policies about bullying because all schools are meant to have them I think and you can see whether what they say is what they do.

Thank you so much everyone, your replies have given me so much more confidence. (I worry that I am getting all worked up over nothing!) I have been looking at another school for over a year and spoke with other parents at the alternative school.

It took so much kicking and screaming from my husband and I and rallying of other parents to complain to actually get any action taken over the two bullies. The School finally took action but failed to inform us that they had done so we only found out from word of mouth.

Ds's stuff was 'small fry' stuff as well (namecalling), but it was gotten on top of very promptly. The thing is that I know that teacher's can't have eyes everywhere, so do rely on parents and kids to tell them. And I guess the feature of how it was treated was that ds was able to do it discreetly so he can feel confident about talking to me or his teacher about it if it happens again. And it was dealt with in a way that was sensitive to the perpetrator too - not coming down on them like a tonne of bricks, but still being quite clear the behaviour is unacceptable.




ITA. The child involved in the namecalling incident has known issues in other areas, but this is NO excuse for even a minor 'offense.' To say that the school can't do anything means they have set the bar very low to begin with in terms of their policies around bullying and it is a complete cop out, IMO.



Totally! When I emailed ds's teacher, I was a bit apologetic about it being a 'trivial' thing, but did say that I figured it was better dealt with while it was trivial before it spiralled out of hand - and not necessarily with my ds, but more that the kid knew he could get away with something trivial, so would push a bit harder - the teacher and DP assured me that I had done the right thing.

my boys go to a smallish catholic school (abt 200- so not THAT small) they have zero tolerance on bullying, but they also try to foster 'resilience' in the children.
the children all mix A LOT over the age groups..I love how walking in to school in the morning a really tall almost teenagery looking kid will say Hi liam to my 5yr old lol - on wet days the junior classes are split amongst the senior classes in lunch hours, and they have big buddy classess etc. lunchtimes they have two teachers on duty and trained peer mediators who wear bright red hats (so easy to find) if you have a bother with another child you go to the peer mediator who will take you to a teacher if its beyond what they're there to help with.
the school has a really really lovely feel - ofcourse there is still some bullying and girly catty stuff but it is dealt with really well - we have an awesome principle who adheres to the 'keep happy plan' - which is an actual plan not just a slogan.
you can be caught bn loving in the playground/in class etc and there is a weekly draw. there is happy time with the principal which is playing with her and all her coooool stuff in her office for an hour on friday avo (lol even the yr6's still love winning this), they have sticker charts in their rooms they take to the principal to get a reward when they fill them up...etc etc.
in saying this it seemed like quite a special thing, as when i looked at the other schools around the way they talked was all about keeping bad behaviour under control/tolerance etc...wheras this school was all about promoting the good behaviour and fostering the desire to 'want to' if that makes sense- sounds a bit airy fairy but it isn't
I think the mingling across age-groups is a pretty big factor in keeping things 'happy' and friendly too - rather than each age group playing with their age only and then getting into scraps they cant solve (bcos they're all at the same stage socially i.e headbuttingly determined etc etc) the big ones bring some better reason to the little ones, and can support/look out for them too - lol im not sure what the incentive is to play with the younger kids tho haha but they do.

Thanks Cadiam, can I just say that school sounds so lovely! At her current school you do have big buddies saying hello to her in the playground, and it does give you a nice warm fuzzy feeling.

i have been in this place for the last two years last year was alright as my MIL taught my ds, but even she admitted that she didn't know if she was doing enough/the right things as despite asking, the school didn't offer her any further support with him. the teacher the year before that described him as 'lazy' and said he 'couldn't be bothered' - in term one he did literally NOTHING - after we had him assessed she was more than happy to tell people how SMART he was etc etc but didn't actually DO anything for him. it's not just him though, they don't do anything for ANY of their gifted and able kids - drives me batty. in fact, the DP said to my MIL 'oh you can't do anything for them at this age, anyway' - wtf?!

we have been to most other schools in our area and some out of it... the one school we really loved that we could afford (i did fall madly in love with an amazing independent school, but at $7K a year plus extracurricular stuff plus up to 4 camps a year plus a 3 week overseas trip in their last week of school, we can't afford to send ONE child there, let alone three, even though it would be AMAZING) - got a new principal which has eradicated lots of the great creative/imaginative things that we really liked. the next school we liked is about 20km away and it's a small rural school and i think it would be weird to attend without being part of the community (although we'd love to move there and are looking to move). all of the other schools we looked at said 'oh, really, we probably couldn't do anything more than what his current school is doing' and i am all, seriously, you can't do more than NOTHING? good lord.