finding it a bit hard today thinking how different our christmas should have been....ot at least could have been. we should have been having our bubba on the 27th and instead we're not. and i'm not pregnant. and i feel so sad instead of excited and so cheated instead of blessed.

i know i'm not the only one experiencing this at this time. i'm thinking of you guys too and sending to you all

here's to a way better 2012 xx

Tessiebear

The Christmas after my ectopic I spent very aware of what might have been as my nephew was born on my angel's due date. It didn't help that no one in my family wanted to talk about it or remember my baby at all. It took my a while to make my peace with that alternate universe, as it was important to me that I didn't do that by forgetting my angel (and then angels) but I got there.

Will be thinking about you tomorrow.

Oh Tessiebear. I feel for you. I could not help but think yesterday that I should have had a 9 month old joining us this Christmas, instead I have a bauble with her name on the tree and her ashes on the wallunit.

I hope your EDD is ok for you - sometimes the anticipation is worse than the actual. I hope this is the case for you. Do something special, even if it is having a break with a nice coffee and cake!

I have to add, my heart sank when I read you miscarried on my birthday - I will think of you each birthday I have from now on. Just reminds me that each day is a day - joyous for some and depressing for others - but they are the same day.

Take care

Thinking of you Tessiebear. I know what you mean about feeling sad that you're not greeting your new baby right now as you should have been, and not even being pregnant again so you can have the excited feelings back and something to look forward to. I hope you are ok to day and can do something small to acknowledge the day but not feel too sad doing it. It's hard to get to that stage of being able to accept that it's happened. Like all things, time seems to be the only thing that heals the heart and mind slowly.

Take care of yourself today x

Thanks heaps for your support today....means alot to know there are others who know what its like.
hubby's being lovely - bought me some red roses this morning and is taking me out for a nice lunch. I made him watch the dvd of 'my sisters keeper' last night cos I knew the pair of us would sit there and bawl our eyes out. Which we did. I said to him it meant a lot to have him crying with me....even if it wasn't exactly over the same baby stuff!
Have decided when we get back home after Christmas I want to release a helium ballon in memory of Samuel....had a big cry this morning and finally feel like I'm ready to let him go.

xx

Tessie, I hope you were able to enjoy the nice things your hubby has been doing for you yesterday / today. It's good to hear that you are being supported so well.

Big hugs to get you through your day x