I saw this on another website, and knowing this time of year can be hard. Particularly if you have no living children, I thoguht I'd share it.

Written by Krissi Danielsson, for About.com

If you are struggling with the holiday season after a recent miscarriage or other pregnancy loss, you're not alone. Many people feel little holiday cheer after losing a baby, particularly if the loss was recent.

You might feel reluctant to attend gatherings, not wanting to face pregnant relatives or friends with new infants. In addition, you might feel like everywhere you look, you see a reminder that there should have been another face in the family photo or another stocking by the fireplace.

Some of these tips might make Christmas, New Year's or other holiday gatherings easier to tolerate.

Know your limits.
If you are invited to a party where you know you will face more stress than enjoyment, maybe you should decline and send well wishes instead. Don't be afraid to bow out of social gatherings if you aren't feeling well. On the flip side, however, consider whether being around friends might help you take your mind off things for a little while.

Find an "out."
If you do need to attend a gathering, locate a quiet place where you can step away if you need some minutes to yourself. Alternately, plan an excuse in advance for why you need to leave the party early in case you feel overwhelmed, then go with the flow and see how you feel when you get there.

Do a good deed.
Many people find that doing a good deed during the holiday season brings some comfort. Some like to participate in charity efforts to buy holiday gifts for children in less fortunate families. Others like to volunteer at nursing homes or help serve holiday meals to the homeless. Think about whether something like this might make you feel better. (About.com's Christianity Guide has information about five Christmas charity projects here.

Honor your baby.
Some ideas might be to put a special angel ornament on your Christmas tree to honor your baby or to find an angel necklace or pin that is meaningful to you.

Share your feelings with family.
People can support you best if they know what you need. Remember that people who have never experienced a pregnancy loss may not have any idea what you are going through, and they may be more supportive if you let them know how you feel and what you need from them.

…But choose your battles.
Everyone has one of "those" relatives that just won't get it no matter what. If you have an ignorant in-law or second cousin throwing thoughtless comments at you, for example, decide whether you want to educate that person or just smile and nod. Remember that even though certain comments can be infuriating and hurtful, the person saying them probably isn't purposefully trying to be insensitive and will most likely change the subject after a minute or two.

Seek comfort where you can.
Consider finding support groups, online or in-person, if you need someone to talk to. If you are spiritual, attend extra services in your faith or say a special holiday prayer for your baby. And of course, if you have any worries that you might be clinically depressed, don't be afraid to see a counselor or other mental health professional for advice.

Don't feel bad if you enjoy yourself.
Finally, remember that just as it's OK to not be in the Christmas spirit, it is also OK to smile and to have fun. It doesn't mean that you didn't love your baby or that you are not a good mom. Don't feel guilty for taking your mind off things and living your life.

I started bleeding on Christmas day and spent boxing day in A & E, to be reassured all was well (I knew it wasn't) and then started bleeding very very heavily on the 27th and had to have D & C on the 28th. Xmas day will forever be tinged with the sadness that it was the beginning of loosing our beautiful and much wanted baby.

Thanks for Sharing CM, even when the loss isn't recent, big holidays certainly trigger those intense feelings again.

For me I find acknowledging the feelings, to almost welcome them instead of trying to ignore them, have a bit of quiet time to reflect on what we lost and grieve again almost helps too. For me trying to pretend everything is OK actually makes me feel worse. I also now incorporate something special with Christmas to include Faith, an ornament on the tree in her memory and I also embrace just how lucky I am in other ways too.

Hugs to everyone else struggling with the Christmas season.

Thanks for that CM. You know, I have been feeling a bit down this Xmas, but I couldn't really put my finger on it. That article has kind of hit the spot.

I was preg last Xmas, the whole family knew and it was a big celebration. We all talked about how next Xmas there would be another baby to buy for. My baby even got gifts

So as this Xmas rolls around, all I can think off is my miscarriage, and how there isn't a new baby to celebrate with.

I'm preg again this Xmas (only one week further along than last) and I feel like I am living in a deja vu.

All I can hope, is that this pregnancy brings me a little baby to share next Christmas with, and to make new happier memories.

Shipmate - I feel for you, I have this fear that I will start bleeding on Xmas day. What a horrible thing to have gone through

Thanks so much for posting that article...much needed here. My due date was to be the 27th and I'm feeling at the moment like I'm living in a parallel universe to the one I should be in....the one where I'm pregnant and about to have a baby next week. Instead I get to have Christmas with a whole heap of family, most of who will have forgotton, and then a massive family reunion on hubby's side, with a whole heap of rellies who have no idea what we've gone through this year...the tips about how to survive and get through are much appreciated.

Christmas will always be tinged with sadness and a deep yearning for what might have/should have been.
Love thoughts and prayers to everyone else out there struggling and missing their bubs at this time

It is really great to see this kind of article being written and shared, and for people to remember their angels at Christmas.

My first baby was due on New Years Eve 5 years ago, so despite being blessed with three daughters since then, I am conscious that there is not a 5 year old boy celebrating with us this year.

Best wishes to all.

Thanks CM - it was a good article to read and have someone say it's ok not to be in the Christmas spirit.
I am usually such a Christmas person but after loosing 3 angels this year, the last one at the beginning of December, we are still grieving and not ready to celebrate.
It is so hard not to reflect on the year and what could have been I honestly thought I would have a beautiful baby or a very pregnant belly this Christmas.
DH are planning to spend Christmas Eve lighting candles and remembering our 3 angels. We brought two angels to go on the tree and then had to go back to the shop for a third but haven't brought the tree so will keep them for next year.

to everyone

Thank you thank you! So thoughtful. At the moment im looking forward to Xmas to see my family, but I'm hoping that it won't hit me too hard on Xmas day. Xmas day is April's due date. Eek!

I'm going to acknowledge that somehow on the day not sure how yet. I'll b at the beach so might just go collect some shells or something as a keepsake.

Much love to all you ladies that will b thinking of their Xmas angels.

What a positive thing to post.

I know that my bad freak out time that I went through last month was in part triggered by worrying about Christmas and NY. And I'm sure that I worked myself up for more than I needed to.

I started bowing out of some things - especially those with extended family and long un-seen family friends - a while back. I know that people are really just well meaning most of the time but it's the thought of innocent questions about settling back in NZ (post OE) and how my year has been that I really didn't want to put a brave face on for. For me that has been the right thing to do.

I really had hoped that we would be on the home straight babywise this Christmas, but sadly not to be :-( must continue to exercise patience.

I hope that everyone is able to find a wee bit of peace and also some happy things this Christmas.

I had a scan on the 22nd, dead. I've sat here all Christmas day wondering if I need a D&C or not. I started bleeding and had cramping. The people visiting probably thought I was just being lazy, the cramps meant my back was aching everytime I stood up for longer than 10 minutes.

Oh Withcy - - I'm so sorry that you are going through all this.

I came across this forum and was so glad to find it - not that I'm glad about everyone's loss but I've been going through an awful week and feel I have no one who understands what I am going through. I had a bit of spotting last Wednesday and went to A&E who referred me up to early pregnancy assessment centre. Midwife was very dismissive - spotting was normal, even though I had none of this with my last 2 pregnancies. Bleeding stopped, doctor confirmed urine infection on Thursday and i thought all was fine. Have had terrible flu which wasn't helping. Then a gush of blood - bright red on friday. knew then something wasn't right. internal scan confirmed baby at about 6 weeks, but I am about 10 weeks pregnant. Sent me home and I have to go back tomorrow - dreading it and it's my partner's birthday too. Had to keep brave face for my 2 girls aged 9 and 5 throughout Christmas and did the best I could but have gone through sadness, grief, anger, upset and a whole range of feelings. I've been bleeding since but only slight cramps and backache and nothing else. Part of me wishes it would just pass, but dreading that too. I was 40 in November and this baby was a bit of a shock but we were so looking forward to it hoping for a boy to complete our lovely family, though another gorgeous girl would have been so lovely. I feel guilty having 2 beautiful girls when so many women have gone through this time and again with no baby at the end. But it's still so hard and I wonder about my little baby who just wasn't meant to be. Is it my age? Was it the 2 previous c-sections? Why? What should I expect tomorrow? Will I have to get this EPRC/D&C thing which I'm terrified about? So sorry for everyone else on this page. Christmas will never be the same from now on. Love and hugs to you all.

Sorry that you are going through this Tia. It is such a hard thing at anytime but for you to have to go back to the hospital today on your DH's birthday must be hard. I am thinking of you today.

Thank you Jay. Should have said I am far away from NZ - hence the time difference. Just felt some affinity with the thread as if you all knew what I was feeling. Everyone is walking about me on egg shells. Dreading tomorrow but want it to be over too. xxx

Oh Tia - I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through all this. Big hugs

Wow, Tia, so sorry that you are going through this and thank you CM for that post, that is really encouraging...
I went for my 12 week scan and found out that baby had died jut a few days earlier at 11weeks 4 days! i was just shocked. this would have been our second child. Then went into the hospital because with Christmas coming up didnt want to start bleeding. Got to hospital and was given the pills to induce labour..having had an emergency c-setion with my first, i didnt expect much more thana period then sent home...ofcoure i had my water break (crazy!) and full on contractions and then i pushed baby out and he/she was this perfect little creation. i couldnt believe it...lost a lot of blood and was fainting and then when everything seems like it was out,. i was sent home...
well we thought this was the end of it...on boxing day i was getting cramping, called my doc, he had a look and said he was suprised i was still standing because i had a terrible infection...rushed to hospital in ambulance and sure enough they had a look and removed the placenta, which they were sure was out in the first place...schedule a d & c. but ofcourse because my haemogoblin was down to 77...they had to give me a blood transfusion before they even attempted surgery!!and then now here i am 4 days later. been discharaged and coming to terms with everything that has happened during this usually very happy time of the yr...crazy!!! physically feeling great! emotionally is one day at a time!
almost looking forward to going back to work next week so i can have a distraction!
sorry to go on!! sorry for your losses everyone...I'm sure this yr will bring some amazing things our way!

Clare, Tia, Witchy.... so very sorry for your Christmas losses. Sending lots of love and well-wishes your way

Hope everyone else was okay at this challenging time of year.

Thanx Pinklady...this forum has been helpful to ee that i'm not the only only, when sometimes i feel that i am...

thinking of you clare and hope you doing ok. just take it easy on yourself xx

this is my first time ever posting on a forum and I just wanted to say thanks for the great article about coping with Xmas. It was so helpful to know that I'm not alone in how I'm feeling.

We lost our baby on 16 Dec (was 10 wks, 3 days) after a year of fertility treatment. I am absolutely crushed and am still going through the ups and downs of emotions as we consider when to start trying again.

Unfortunately I got stuck camping with family and lots of little children over Xmas - the completely wrong environment for healing. This totally drained my energy and I just wanted to hide in the tent and cry. I also had to keep making excuses for why I didnt want to swim as I was still bleeding over the Xmas break. Getting back to my own place and work was actually a huge relief.

Thinking of everyone else and hope you all are okay.

Kazza - so very sorry for your loss
Welcome to the forum - hopefully you can find some comfort here.
I completely understand spending Christmas in the wrong environment I spent a week with my brother and SIL, she is pregnant and due 3 weeks after our second angel's due date. We get along really well and are quite close but it was so hard to have the constant reminder coupled with the fact I was still grieving for the angel we lost in December.