My brother (lives in NZ) is divorced with a son age 7 (lives in Oz) Keeps in weekly contact, txts & phn calls, and visited him in July.

DB & his new partner have just had a baby girl, and his son called him last night to say that he never wants to speak to him again.
To be fair he was only told a month ago that his Dad was having another Baby... took that long because DB was to scared to even tell his ex wife (they have been divorced for 2.5 yrs)

What reaction did your children have when they found out that their Dad was having a child to someone else?
Does anyone think that my nephews reaction would be typical for a 7yo to say?

Wow ... thats really heavy ... I wouldnt have thought it was a normal reaction

I haven't experienced this situation yet but expect it will come up in the next couple of years as my ex's gf moves in next weekend and she wants kids so my ex says they'll start trying once they've seen how living together goes.

I guess your nephew may have reacted badly as he hadn't had much time to get used to the idea that a new baby was coming. Plus he wouldn't have been able to be involved in the preparation for the baby arriving (getting nursery ready, etc) as he doesn't live near enough to see lots of his dad. I imagine it must also be hard for a kid who doesn't live with his/her dad to accept that there is this new baby there who does get to live with their dad and spend lots of time with him. This last bit is what I am worried is likely to happen with my girls when their Dad has another child. I guess you'd call it a jealousy thing. I know it has been hard for me to accept that my ex's girlfriend will end up having a 'mother' role in my girls' lives when they stay with their dad. This makes it easier for me to understand why children would feel a similar way about a half-sibling that gets more time with their 'part-time' parent than they do. If his mum is still single, then it may be even harder for him knowing that the baby gets to live with its mum and dad instead of just one parent.

So yes, I do think your nephew's reaction could be quite typical for a 7 year old (and indeed for any other age of child). It is also possible he has been influenced by his mum's reaction too but I certainly wouldn't discount the possibility that he might have taken the news badly on his own.

You never know how kids little minds are going to interpret what is going on around them. My ex just told my girls this past weekend that his girlfriend was going to move in with him in 2 weeks time. A couple of days later my 6 year old said to me, 'Mummy, if Daddy marries X, does that mean he won't be our Daddy anymore?' My heart broke for her that she was worrying about such a thing.

I would suggest that your brother is patient with him and keeps up the phone calls and texts, emails and letters even if the son is a bit hostile for a while. Perhaps your brother could avoid talking about the baby too much and keep the focus on being the dad who is interested in what his son is doing. That's not to say he couldn't talk about the baby at all though. Maybe he could see if his son would like to help choose some photos of himself to make a special book for the baby all about her big brother so that she will get to know all about him in between visits. Hopefully when your brother sees his son next he can introduce him to the baby and make a fuss of him being able to be a big brother who is looked up to by his baby sister.

I hope there's a happy resolution for your brother and his son!

Thanks Jenni.

Yes his ex wife called him and said
" J has something to say to you"
she put him on the phone and that's what he said and hung up.

I would have thought if nephew was angry/confused/upset he would have just refused to talk to his Dad at all?
EX SIL is refusing to talk to DB at all on any matters concerning their son now, so wouldn't be surprised if nephew has picked up on it?

I would imagine he reacted so badly, because he didn't have long to get used to the idea... could also be that he is jealous? Might think that now your bro has a 'new' family (ie new partner, new child) that he isn't going to care about him anymore...? Is there any chance your bros ex wife has said things against him, to your nephew?

I had a similar situation. My mum had a baby when I was 15. I found out when I read the birth notice in the paper. And we lived in the same town. But I didn't react like that. My first thought was to wonder whether his mum had said something to upset him. When I was living with my mother she'd tell me and my sisters all sorts of lies to make us not like our father. That might not be the case though. It could just be he needs time to get used to the idea.

I'm sorry but is his ex saying things she shouldn't to the wee guy? I mean my ex is a *&*(** but no matter what stupid things he does/says DD is NOT allowed to say things like that, or to ring and say what she might think. Not because it wouldn't be extremely satisfying, because at times it would, but what does it teach the child?

I agree, he's probably not prepared and a little hurt which is understandable, can your brother make sure he gives him a bit of extra attention somehow?

yeah, i have to agree with that. my gut feeling would be that it would be less of a child thing and more of a mother thing - not that it wouldn't be a bit natural for the child in that situation to be a bit jealous - but maybe also his ex partner being a bit angry that they weren't told (for whatever reason, totally understand if they put it off because they thought she might wig out etc).

in any case, i don't think that a phone call like that is very appropriate, his mum should have been more supportive and reassuring towards him about it, letting him make the phone call would sort of reinforce to him that he's in the 'right' and that feeling that way is justified.. when its not? does that make sense?

Linzi32, are there formal arrangements in place through the Australian Family court system for your brother to have contact with his son? If there is, maybe he could look at pursuing it through them if his ex is influencing the son to stop contact with your brother? I guess he could tell his ex that if she tries to interfere in his relationship with his son he will investigate going for full custody? Although that could make her refuse to ever let the son come to NZ for fear that his Dad won't send him back! Maybe he could contact her and apologise for not letting her know about the baby sooner. He could admit to putting it off for fear of how she'd react and that in hindsight that it was probably unfair to have it sprung on her and the son. He could assure her that he wants them to remain as friendly as things can be so that his son doesn't miss out on knowing his both his parents and whatever else he thinks may placate her enough to get things back on track with him having contact with his son.

I hope it all works out okay for them!