HI, our five year old has gone from being a quiet, introspective, loving creative and gifted (intellectually) four year old, to an absolute horror now he's at school.
he's in constant trouble, hurting kids, lashing out at kids, disassembling and wrecking things in his classroom, screaming, etc etc etc.
its so strange and unlike him, i'm at a loss really. he beats his brother up, and goes around the house making really angry gutterall noises, with the facial expression to match.

when you tell him to do something he almost can't bear to do what you say.
from where i sit it looks like he's trying to dominate everyone and every situation and when it is necessary he'll use violence and intimidation to achieve that.

i feel horrible, as i know life's been hard for hi over the last few months. we've been so desperately tired with an insomniatic (now) ten month old, and are running on short fuses ourselves.

i have read dianne levy's "go to your room" book and there's some advice there but little that i can see in the way of techniques to elicit, from your children, what is really really botherhing them. which somethign clearly is with my boy.

does anyone know of a really good book whyich might help, or whether there is some service we can tap in to to help us? we're in wellington.

he's only been at school for a month and told me today he's run out of friends becuase he's so mean to everyone.
i just don't know what to do.
can anyone help my lovely lad?

oh and i should have added that he feels REALLY BAD about his behaviour. he wishes he wasn't like that. he always admits to it.

Are you sure hes not just exhausted? Ive found most 5 yr old kids behaviour pretty bad for the 1st 3 months of school till they get into more of a routine. Combine that with the households lack of sleep that you have, and he could well be just knackered?
And check he is eating his lunch.
Good luck and hugs.

That sounds hard. Has his teacher got any ideas about the cause of it? Maybe he's having trouble making friends or is getting teased? The first few months are a big adjustment for a 5 year old so it could be that he's really tired like Karen suggested. Does he tell you what goes on at school in the afternoons?

So has it started since he started school?
I agree with both of the others, I'd aim for early bed times, good nourishing food and a chat with the teacher to try and make sure there are no major issues other than tiredness. Also, you said he is gifted, could he be bored/unchallenged at school?

Standard advice for having a chat with boys is to do something alongside them (chat in the car while driving, go play mini golf etc) rather than try and sit down and talk to them as they are more likely to open up that way.

thanks. yes i'm sure hes tired too and that's having an impact on him.
i also think he's bored.

its pretty bad, to be honest though. he's hurt kids at school and, in his words, run out of friends.
i'm going to be a 21st century mum and call a psychologist. i don't want him labelled as the naughty or mean kid. those labels stick.
thanks everyone

oh and pudding, he does pretty much tell me what's gone on.

I think calling a psycologist is a good idea, might as well work out what is going on. What is the school doing to deal with his behaviour, and his boredom?

What was he doing b4 school started - i.e. did he go to kindie or daycare etc?

You could also check out this website http://www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info/index.htm#buttons in case there is something in his diet that could be contributing to the behaviour change you have noticed.

Good luck getting it sorted.

hugs leelee it sounds so hard and I really feel for you and your little boy. My daughter started school last year and she had a friend who sounds similar although perhaps not violent but certainly nasty, manipulative and aggressive to all the other children, and at times to my daughter which made it very hard as some days she was nice and they were friends then other days I had to hear about what so-and-so had done to my daughter that day and trust me, it wasn't nice! I tried to discourage the friendship and had many chats with the teacher about this behaviour and the girls parents were well aware of it too. In the end they did seek professional help and although there is still the odd breakout (and no 5/6 year old is perfect!) she is definitely much improved, I don't know what has changed but obviously the professional has given them tools to deal with and manage the child. BTW this little girl is very intelligent also. I really hope you have some joy.

my son has gone through some really perplexing stages since being a school boy. he definately did go through an 'angry' stage at about 5.5yrs(and it was realllly long -sorry)..he wasnt really violent tho (well not to his friends, well actually they are sort of, they all wrestle and kug fu each other..but not outright im going to really hurt you violence iykwim) he was a bit violent at home tho to me and his little brother
do you talk about how to take your anger out in a good way? teach him some techniques like when he recognises he's feeling really angry to go and stamp his feet or punch his pillows-throw his bag at the ground a few times etc etc (i find this sort of stuff REALLLY helpful with my DS) i can SOOOOOOOO associate with him making gutteral angry animal noises mine did that for a loooong time too (and still does sometimes) and ditto to that finding it really hard to do what someone has asked them to do..kind of like that inner stubborn/rebellion streak kicking in.
I noticed that if they'd had an indoor day it was particularly bad. or if he'd watched TV or played on the computer/phone games etc, oh also diet i completely eliminated all additives colourings etc etc and that showed a bit of improvement too - not that he was eating much anyway or even a very bad diet...but it can add up really fast, apparently 1 pottle of normal yoghurt contains the max amount a childs body can handle in any given day...and usually thats just a morning tea
good idea on the psychologist, it does sound like quite extreme lashing out for his age and so out of character for him.