Don't ask me that question
Do you have any kids?
I have never held my children in my arms
I have never fed them or changed their nappies,
I have never heard them cry
I have never pushed them in a pram or tucked them up safely in their cots
I have never bought them clothes

But…..
I have felt them in my womb
I have seen their heartbeats on a screen
I have seen my belly swell and my breasts enlarge
I have talked to my babies
I have felt them kick and move about
I have planned for them and dreamt for them
I have chosen names and checked their birth signs
I have decided where to put their cots and looked at seats and prams

But I have been denied all this
Because my body is imperfect
I have no children but I have three angels

So how do I answer your question?
Shall I save you the embarrassment and the awkwardness, and me the pity?
or I shall I tell you my story and shatter your day
Shall I subject us both to the tragedy of my life?

I mean it's just a simple party and you are only making polite conversation,
You don't know me and will probably never see me again,
It's supposed to be light hearted and jolly and fun, you don't want to hear all my troubles
"No, we don't" I hear myself saying.
And inside I scream.
"That's not true. Have you forgotten about them?"
I haven't, not for one single moment of one single day
But I'm tired of explaining it all,
I'm tired of the pity and the sympathy,
I'm tired of the pain and the tears,
I'm tired of the anxiety, the fear, the hope,
I'm tired of saying that we're ok and we're hopeful for the future,
I'm tired.
So tired of it all

When will this nightmare stop?

Those are beautiful poems Country mum

Thank you ladies. These poems are beautiful. You are right, the pain does not go away. The hopes and joy were real for each of our lost angels. Best wishes to you all.

It only took a moment
And you were etched upon my heart
A sense of you inside me
You were loved right from the start

It only took a moment
For me to picture you so small
So sweet and soft and tiny
We as parents so enthralled

It only took a moment
For my entire life to change
So much joy in planning
So much to rearrange

It only took a moment
And you owned me heart and soul
I followed your life journey
As slowly you grew whole

It only took a moment
You were here and all was right
I blinked and in an instance
We were lost within the night

It only took a moment
For my heart to break in two
As you slipped from me so lifeless
There was nothing I could do

It only took a moment
And my world was torn apart
This ache fills my whole body
In my womb and in my heart

You were only here a moment
You were gone before we touched
But you were loved and you were wanted
And you are missed so very much

For our baby... the first wee kiwi Lampitt 11/8/10

Beautiful.

That is so beautiful lostbabylampitt.

So much love and tenderness for your little one.

beautiful.

beautiful

Beautiful poems ladies.

Not sure if this one has been posted in the last 9 pages, but I saw it and liked it:

Empty arms and an empty heart,
My life feels so torn apart.
It's not fair, she should be here,
...Oh no there goes another tear.

I never got to say goodbye,
Why oh why did she have to die?
Time has passed, what I wouldn't give,
Just to see my daughter live,
A minute, a hour or just one day,
I'd give up anything if she could stay.

Maybe I prayed too much or not enough,
Living in pain is just so tough.
There are no words that can be spoken,
To fix my heart it's already broken.
Kindness from a stranger, a hug from a friend,
The love of my family, the pain doesn't end.

I'll miss her grow, I'll miss her play,
Maybe I deserve to feel this way.
Nothing to do, nothing can be changed,
Living without her, I feel deranged.
Racing thoughts my faith deceiving,
It's been a while but I'm still grieving.

Here is another beautiful one:

I'm just a precious little one who didn`t make it there.
I went straight to be with Jesus,
but I`m waiting for you here.
Many dwelling here where I live,
waited years to enter in.
...Struggled through a world of sorow,
a world marred with pain and sin.
Thank you for the life you gave me,
it was brief but don`t complain.
I have all Heaven`s Glory,
suffered none of earth`s great pain.
Thank you for the name you gave me.
I`d have loved to bring it fame.
But if I`d lingered in earth`s shadows,
I would have suffered just the same.
So sweet family - don`t you sorrow.
Wipe those tears and chase the gloom.
I went straight to Jesus` arms
from my loving Mother`s womb.

Everytime you read another poem you think it is the best one yet... this one made me cry:

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby
...This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here

He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing Here

If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who
had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons there are through
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start ♥

I Can Tell
Steven L. Channing

I can tell by that look friend, that we need to talk.
So come take my hand and let's go for a walk.

See I'm not like the others -I won't shy away.
Because I want to hear what you've got to say.

Your child has died and you need to be heard.
But they don't want to hear a single word.

They say your child's with God ,so be strong.
They say all the "right" things that somehow seem wrong.

I'll walk in your shoes for more than a mile.
I'll wait while you cry and be glad if you smile.

I won't criticize you or judge you or scorn.
I'll just stay and listen 'til night turns to morn.

Yes, the journey is hard and unbearably long.
And I know that you think that you're not quite that strong.

So just take my hand 'cause I've got time to spare.
And I know how it hurts, friend, for I have been there.

See, I owe a debt you can help me repay.
For not so long ago, I was helped the same way.

And I stumbled and fell through a world so unreal.
So believe when I say that I know how you feel.

I don't look for praise or financial gain.
And I'm sure not the kind who gets joy out of pain.

I'm just a strong shoulder who'll be here 'til the end.
I'll be your Compassionate Friend !!!

ANGEL BABIES

You happened to me
You are my children
I will never see you grow
I will never see you smile.
I will never hold your hand
Nor guide you through your life
My job was made redundant the day that you died.

Some people say its for the best
How can that possibly be?
You were part your daddy,
the other half part me.

Your heart stopped beating weeks ago
Not long after we saw you safe and sound.
You do not wish to go
My body will not give you up
It will have to soon, another painful wound.

I want you in my arms not just in my heart,
It is so very hard for me, to have to give you up.
You are my child, you have brothers and sisters so play and know
You are in my thoughts and we shall never truly part.


Please take care. I love you all, my earth bound babes and angels in the air.

Written By:
stekeljodcam (Kel)
Aug04 DD Feb07 June08 Feb09 DS May11(Amelia so named by DD aged 6)

A friend shared this with me today, and I love it.

Little Snowdrop - author unknown

The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.

But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.

The little one we longed for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.

And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
For every beating of our hearts
Says that we love you.

ee cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)




THINKING of Joshua and my latest wee one who I will call Anais

1, 2, 3 
You were never meant to be. 
Mummy for a blink of an eye
Now you've got your wings, you can fly so high
I miss you every day & I just want to say
That I love you so much!!
Even though we were together so briefly, you've left footprints on my heart & there they will stay for ever. 
See you in my dreams xxx

Sometimes when our minds and bodies are shattered by life, it's only the spirit that can knit us whole and keep us alive - (Dan Baker)

"People cry not because they are weak but because they have been strong for too long"

I just found this song by Avril Lavigne that felt like a few words of strength for everyone on this site.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Gcrx2Ab0FM


xoxxo
BabyCashew

found this on a website and absolutely loved it so thought I would share....
I emailed it to my parents, brother and sister and I think for the first time they really understand what I've gone through

My mum, she tells a lot of lies,
She never did before.
But from now until the day she dies,
She'll tell a whole lot more.
...
... Ask my Mum how she is
And because she can't explain,
She will tell a little lie
Because she can't describe the pain.

Ask my Mum how she is
And she'll say "I'm alright."
If that's the truth, then tell me,
Why does she cry each night?

Ask my Mum how she is,
She seems to cope so well,
She didn't have a choice you see,
Not the strength to yell.

Ask my Mum how she is,
"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping."
For God's sake Mum, just tell the truth,
Just say your heart is broken.

She'll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how she is,
She'll lie and say she's fine.

I am here in Heaven,
I cannot hug from here.
If she lies to you don't listen,
Hug her and hold her near.

On the day we meet again,
We'll smile and I'll be bold.
I'll say "You're lucky to get in here, Mum,
With all the lies you told!"